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My 18 year old son died in a car accident 7 weeks ago and I’m struggling with life!

45 replies

stressedmumof5 · 23/05/2025 00:51

I lost my son in a car accident a few weeks ago, the accident has been made so public as he wasn’t the only casualty. I’m struggling with coming to terms with the loss but at the same time I’m struggling with circumstances surrounding the accident and incidents that occurred before the accident which if had been dealt with properly could have avoided this happening. I can’t speak out about my anger as it will cause problems for my family. How do I start to process the loss of my boy and cope with the added stresses! The accident is going to an inquest but I fear that the whole truth won’t be made public by the coroner, which is what I want. I’m not a vengeful person but I feel that I need the truth to be made public for me to get some sort of justice for my son and for myself to be able to come to terms with the loss.

OP posts:
dollyblue01 · 23/05/2025 09:22

I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, I have a son a similar age and I just don’t know what I would do, please look after yourself, Flowers xx

sakuraspring · 23/05/2025 09:22

And for now, how about writing everything out. Getting it all down. You don't need to send it anywhere till you are sure, but it might help to write it all down?

HedgehogOnTheBike · 23/05/2025 09:25

I am so very sorry to read this. Sending my love to you at this terrible time.

Kimsey1509 · 23/05/2025 09:38

So sorry for your loss. Do you know if there will be criminal charges from this? I lost my 22yr old son 6 years ago at the end of June through an RTC. Criminal charges were brought against the other driver. We had a family support officer from the Police which helped to navigate the Justice system. If not , contact Brake or another charity called Road Peace. They can give you practical support and help around the inquest. As for your emotional trauma my advice is to take each day as it comes, cry when you want, sleep when you can. Lean on your family ( if available) or friends. Take time just for you and any other siblings. We found when one of us couldn’t cope, one of the others was doing better and able to support. My heart goes out to you as I know what is ahead. But you will learn to cope with this and be able to carry on. You’ll never forget. If you want to go for counselling, Cruise won’t start this until around 6 months after because they say grieving is natural and all the things you are feeling now is ok. But if you still feel unable to cope after that they will absolutely take you on. Get on their waiting list. Take care and remember everyone’s Journey is different . Don’t let anyone tell you, you shouldn’t be feeling this , that or the other or should be doing something different . Hugs to you x

Bfmamma · 23/05/2025 09:40

I have no advice or experience but wanted to send you love. So sorry for your loss

RareGoalsVerge · 23/05/2025 09:46

I know I can't possibly imagine the magnitude of what you are going through. My best friend from school lost her eldest child and occasionally while supporting her I have allowed myself to try to imagine it and I know the awful sensation that evoked was just the first foothills of the mountain of genuine grief.

It is ok to be angry. It's ok to be not ok. It's ok to piss people off. It's ok to be in a different point in your grief than other grievers who may be wanting you to confirm their own perceptions and it's ok to refuse to do that.

EasternStandard · 23/05/2025 10:11

I'm so sorry op, I don't have advice but just to say you are suffering heartbreaking loss and to send you love

Spooky2000 · 24/05/2025 02:27

I lost my son aged 31 3 weeks ago. I am so very sorry that you're going through this terrible trauma and the loss of your beautiful boy. Love and prayers to you xxx

Dylanozzy4 · 24/05/2025 02:30

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Dylanozzy4 · 24/05/2025 02:32

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Legend1 · 28/05/2025 01:42

Its true, the only true closure you can have is with justice.

madamehooch · 04/06/2025 07:00

My best friend lost her son two years ago. He died in traumatic circumstances which were very well publicised at the time.

There was a two week inquest which didn't take place until over a year after he died. There were a lot of parties under the microscope. She ended up taking on legal representation. I sat in the Coroner's court for two days and can say that, having someone to ask questions and cover the specific points she wanted covered was invaluable to her. She wasn't charged by her legal representatives.

I can speak on her behalf and say that two things which have helped her are grief counselling and The Compassionate Friends group.

I am so sorry that your son has died.

PlasticAcrobat · 04/06/2025 07:23

If you are concerned that the inquest will not investigate things in the way that you would like, it might be worth taking legal advice at some stage. Don't feel anxious about having to rush into this too fast - the inquest may be a long time coming.
We had support from the charity Inquest, and eventually instructed solicitors. The charity only deals with state-related deaths but their advice pages may help you to find more relevant support.
At the moment you are focused on a need to publicise the faults or wrongdoing that contributed to your son's death. The inquest will only try to discover what exactly happened and how and why it happens, rather than determining any criminal responsibility on anyone's part.

It may be that as time passes, that focus might start to align better with what you need, or it may be that you continue to be focussed on the need to publicise wrongdoing and achieve a sense of accountability. All I would emphasise is that right now your feelings are naturally going to be all over the place, and that thrashing blind ruminatory exhausting fury is naturally consuming you.

It is such early days, both in terms of grief and in terms of the inquest process. The feelings will rage on at their own pace but don't feel that you need instantly to translate them into practical action.

Just as an example of the different directions that grief can take, me and my husband took different paths. I guess that for him, the inquest was more about holding people to account and pursuing blame, whereas for me it was more about trying (and largely failing) to get some emotional comprehension of what had happened.

After the inquest, we had the opportunity to pursue legal action against the NHS. That wasn't what I needed, so I opted out. But DH did take legal action in just his name, and won a settlement. I think we both felt at peace with one another's different approaches and priorities.
Flowers

PlasticAcrobat · 04/06/2025 07:30

Oh, and, yes - the police liaison officer in our case was absolutely fucking terrible. I still feel a lot of anger about that. I think that, for me, the anger inherent in grief splintered, and flew into everything, everyone. The feelings in grief are a bomb going off in your mind. You need to give yourself time.

ThePoshUns · 04/06/2025 07:41

So sorry for your loss OP, if you aren’t getting much support from the police liaison officer, contact the coroners office direct and ask to speak to the officer who has your sons case and ask them for the information you need and about getting his chain back.

Sunshineandrainbow · 04/06/2025 07:48

Thinking of you @stressedmumof5 at this saddest time. I really hope you have the precious chain back now 💞

XelaM · 05/06/2025 14:11

Unbelievably sorry to hear this x

Hope you get the answers you seek. What the driver at fault?

okydokethen · 05/06/2025 14:16

I cannot begin to imagine how you feel and I really hope that they are able to return his chain to you.

stressedmumof5 · 18/06/2025 00:08

Thank you for all your kind messages and advice. Sorry it’s taken a while to respond but it’s been very rough the last few weeks.
i still don’t have my sons Chain back and was told today that the police are still sorting through the belongings..(bullshit..they forgot to look) tomorrow my liaison officer is coming round to discuss the post mortem results! I feel sick at the thought! Today was the first time we have heard from them since April!!
some of you have suggested about speaking to the coroner about our concerns and making sure the whole truth gets out, problem I have with that is that the other parties involved aren’t very nice people and if it gets out that I spoke up it may cause my family problems. I have told our liaison officers this but because my concerns are linked to the police failing to act on very recent crimes committed by the person at fault (driving offences ) I feel like they want to brush it away!! I don’t think I’m going to get my justice!! It’s not a criminal inquest as the driver died. But if the police and the coroner look deeper they will be able to hold someone accountable. That’s what I want.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 18/06/2025 02:13

I’m so sorry to hear about your son x

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