Would you go to the funeral

[LacyRuby]

My ex-husband and I divorced 20 years ago. There is my son and daughter from this marriage. My ex died last week and son and daughter were obviously upset and rang me to let me know, ask questions etc. I am still in touch with ex's sister too. I feel as I need to go to this funeral, to support my daughter especially but also my son. It is a local funeral and I will know many people and they will know the history of my ex and I. That doesn't matter, but would it be ok to attend this funeral ??

Absolutely go, unless his very nearest and dearest (did he remarry?) are against it

Ask his wife if it's ok to attend. Sit at the back. Don't make it about you

I would definitely go to support my children, unless you are going to turn up in red and dance on his grave? Sit with your children, comfort them, and be respectful of any new family he may have had

I divorced my ExH 20 years ago and have a daughter with him. I am in touch still with his family but haven't spoken to him since personally since we divorced. If he died I would want to go to the funeral to pay my respects, and for his family, who I still am very fond of.

Unless there is a very obvious reason for you not to then its fine for you to go. Especially to be there to support your children.

If your children want you to go, then go. If they would rather you stayed away, then do that.
It isn't all that unusual, and even where I live (overwhelmingly Catholic area with very, very few divorces) it wouldn't raise an eyebrow. I've known a few men's ex wives even organise the funeral simply because the children were too young and there was nobody else.

If your children need or want you to go to support them then yes.

Fine to go but sit a few rows back unless specifically asked to move forward by next of kin. Happens a lot, thankfully we have a balcony at my church and I’ve often sneaked ex wives and husbands or estranged family members up there before the family arrives if the relationship was poor

Absolutely! My late DH was married for 20 years to his ex and I would have thought it odd if she hadn’t come to the funeral! She was a major part of his life and mother to two of his children.

I would speak with the sister who you're still in touch with to see if she could find out if your presence would be ok. If yes, then go but be discreet. If no, then presumably the sister (their aunt) or other relatives could keep an eye on your DD? How old are the children?

My Dad came to my step dad's funeral as a mark of respect to my Mum. My Mum was really touched he made the effort, and they’d been divorced 18 years by that point. I think going would be a nice thing to do.

Of course it's ok to attend the funeral unless there is a major back story of constant drama and acrimony. You will be there as support for your DC. My neighbour had her ex husband as pall bearer last year when she died as they had been civil and friendly after their divorce and he was still the children's father.

My ex has cancer and I fully intend to support my children by him when the time comes. I know he’d want me to be at his funeral. I don’t think his latest wife would, but it’s my children who will need support. I went to his second wife’s funeral at his invitation and if he somehow outlives his third, I’ll go to hers.

No he didn't remarry.