Sudden passing of my dad, and finding it hard to parent DS

[Natasha198]

My dad suddenly died 5 days ago, and I'm still in shock really. It wasn't expected and we're waiting for a postmortem to find out what happened. I'm either totally numb or crying my eyes out. I know it's going to be a long process of healing. This is just extra hard having a DS who is 3.5 year old. He's asked about his grandad, and I know I have to tell him but struggling to find the words.

What Im finding the hardest is dealing with emotions when he's around. He might just be doing normal preschooler things like whining or complaining because he's tired, or being unreasonable, but I have to walk away. Either I end up wanting to give in to demands, or I find myself going for harsh punishments with no warning. I have let my husband deal with a lot of it, but conscious he's also grieving as he was close to my Dad.

How have people coped in this situation? How do you continue parenting and ensuring you're doing your best, whilst also trying to maintain your frustration/ anger and upset?

My father died unexpectedly of a massive heart attack aged 62 when I was 27 with a son who was 2.5 at the time who spent 3 days a week with his nana and grandad. It was very tough for us all. He was obviously a bit younger than your son so the language we used might have been different. We arent religious. But we basicslly told him that grandad was poorly and we didn't know and he had went to heaven. We found the brightest star and my son blew a kiss to his grandad when he went to bed every night. That lasted a few months. He's 27 now with no real memories of him tbh. But I remember that part very well. I don't remember much else from the time. Just that we got through it. I was off work for a while. They lived down the street from me at the time so i seen my mam most days. Close family deaths are always tough. The little one could be very confused as he has lost his grandad and might also be feeling emotional and confused and not know how to deal with it himself maybe?
I am so sorry for your loss. It's awfully hard when we lose a good person from the world. ❤️

I am so sorry. My father dies unexpectedly 18 months ago so I know a little of how you feel. My kids were older than yours (the youngest had just turned 11) but years before that my oldest was about the same age as yours when I had a stillborn baby. I worried about crying in front of him and found it hard to be present for him for a long time. He is 17 now and it did not impact him. He is a kind caring, intelligent and happy 17 year old. I would say the only impact was that he was able to talk about death much earlier than other kids.

Do you have anyone who can be there more often to play with your son? I had an amazing friend who popped round more often and played with mine it really helped me. Also make sure any preschool are aware.

But mostly look after yourself. It is ok to cry. I think I was in shock for weeks after my Dad died. It is such a tough time.

So sorry to hear this. I went through something similar last year. DM passed away very very suddenly. My little boy was nearly 4 and asked about her a lot.
I said that she had to go to heaven and we wouldnt see her.
It's unbelievably difficult to have that conversation and keep looking after yourself at the same time.
The hospital gave us two matching small teddies. One was kept with her at hospital and funeral home and we had one at home. Little boy still cuddles it and talks about her.
I encourage talking about her with him and he does remember her.

Please look after yourself. You will experience every emotion going. Have time to yourself if you can. It does get easier but not for a while yet.

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Sorry forgot to add. If the hospital didn't do anything like that for you, if you are going through a funeral home maybe they could leave something with your dad and you have something the same or similar at home.
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