Mum and best friend

[drowningingrief]

I lost my mum and my best friend last year. Mum was expected after a long and cruel decline with Alzheimer’s, my best friend was a total shock and unexpected. I am struggling to cope to be honest, especially with the loss of my friend (I feel guilty that it’s affected me more than Mum - but I was with mum in her last days and hours and honestly felt relief when she died that her suffering was over - but I feel as though all of my happy memories were stolen as when I remember her now all I can seem to remember is her as she was at the end - which is heartbreaking in itself as she really was a lovely, wise, kind woman).

my friend was more than just a friend - we’d been best friends for over 50 years, every childhood memory she is there. We were in touch every single day - either on the phone or through WhatsApp. We’d planned a holiday of a lifetime for our 60th birthdays which would have been next year. We always spoke about our retirement plans which were to hang out together most days (we both have very full on careers so retirement daydreams were always the thing that kept me going!). DH is also affected and grieving as they’d been friends for over 25 years through me - and feels the same loss of the plans we once had - he is trying so hard to be supportive but I know it’s not easy to live with me right now. I don’t know how to get through the days. I’m not suicidal but I feel hopeless and can’t imagine looking forward to anything again. I’ve considered bereavement counselling but I can’t face it - I can only make it through the days by refusing to think about any of this and I know I’ll have to if I go to counselling. It scares me that people say the grief never fully goes away as I can’t feel like this for the rest of my life.

I’m rambling I know, sorry. I just want to be able to feel happy again. For those who have been through loss - do you ever feel the same kind of happiness afterwards that you did before?

I’m so sorry for your loss. I think I would feel the same as you in terms of increased grief with your friend as opposed to your mum. Your poor thing!
I imagine it will get easier to deal with but my god, this IS a big thing to have to deal with and it may well affect you for a long time.
At some point in the future you may feel able to face counselling but it’s ok right now to not be able to.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it sounds so hard. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves aren't they, the loss of a friend like that is irreplaceable and makes you question your place in the world 😢

I’m so sorry. I lose a close friend in March, she was only 57 and diagnosed with late stage lung cancer which had spread to her brain in early Jan and was sadly gone by mid-march. It was the hardest thing i’ve gone through, harder than losing my dad. Losing a close friend is so hard. It’s going to take a long time to come to terms with it, don’t put any pressure on yourself. Sometimes it’s one step forward and two back.

Thank you for the replies, I’m sorry I’ve only just seen them. @Zanatdy I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s awful isn’t it? I just feel there is a massive hole in my life every day ☹️. Was it last March you lost your friend or the March just gone if you don’t mind me asking?

My dad died after a horrible and deteriorating illness. I found that to begin with I could only remember him as he had been at the end and I also felt such relief.

I'd just give yourself time on this one, Relax into allowing yourself to feel and remember whatever you are feeling and remembering. I found as the years went on, I automatically started to remember him as he was before he was ill. I think this will happen to you too.

Somedays I sit in the house and don't hear anyone voice Im shaking as I write this if anyone wants to message me privately please do 😁

Thank you sorry for your loss 🙏

Good advice thank you