Grief- loss of sister

[GWint]

I’m after some help / advice, I know grief is different for everyone but I am really struggling with the loss of my sister who passed away suddenly last August.

My sister was only 48 and had shown such great courage in the last 12 months of her life. I feel cheated that she was taken away from us and such guilt I couldn’t save her, I think about her all the time and just want my sister back, I feel like I have reverted to a child again in not understanding death and that somehow I can get my sister back which I know isn’t going to happen.

just want to know if anyone has felt the way I do and how they’ve dealt with it.

Firstly I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Secondly I understand how you feel. My Mum died suddenly and without warning last year and turned my world upside down. I had only spoken to her the day before and she was fine and happy. She hadn't even been poorly and was in good health. So for her to suddenly drop dead was brutal and a massive shock.

I felt much like you for a long time. Not quite being able to wrap my head around it or comprehend that she was gone forever. The questions would go round and round in my head stopping me from functioning properly. I knew she was dead but somehow just couldn't quite believe it. It is like my brain wouldn't allow me to process it properly. I felt guilt that she was alone when she died and I felt sad for her that her life was over and that she woke up the morning of her death not realising that she wouldn't sleep in her bed ever again. Those thoughts were intrusive and consuming. It was like I wasn't understanding death and the finality of it.

For me finding a bereavement counsellor was the best thing I did and she helped me to understand, let go and move on. Without her I wonder if I would still be in that place of bewilderment.

I am fine now and have been able to get to a really good place where I can laugh and feel happiness again and I talk about my Mum now and look at photos and smile instead of feeling guilt and sadness.

There are some great books on bereavement out there too which could help and also lots of great advice online from Cruse bereavement etc that may help you to process your feelings and to come to terms with the loss of your sister.

Good Luck, I hope you find the peace you are looking for 🌹

I lost my sister in February and it is really, really tough. I don’t really have any advice, just to say that I understand how you’re feeling. People really don’t understand it unless they’ve been through it. For me, I have two friends who have lost siblings and they are my safe space. But although it helps talking to someone who understands how I feel, that doesn’t make it any easier. My sister was cremated and that is something that I still find really difficult. I went to see her at the chapel of rest and felt happy to see her and happy she looked herself and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks that she was going to be cremated. I tried to reason with myself that I knew she wasn’t coming back etc but yeah- I still find the thought of it very very difficult. It’s massive things like that which have floored me and then silly things like I saw some silly celeb gossip and thought I’ve got to let her know… and of course I can’t.

It makes you feel so helpless that you can’t get them back, I find the evenings particularly hard like I feel agitated and feel like I want to do something, like I’m searching for an answer or something. It’s very, very hard and I completely understand x

My sister died nearly two years ago. I still miss her every day. I wear a ring that belonged to her, and it helps me to have it. I have reminders of her all around the house, so that she's part of every day. I know how lucky I am to have had her in my life, and I hang onto that. I focus on looking after my parents and my nephew, but it's hard. I have my people that I can rely on, which helps. Otherwise I just focus on keeping buggering on - not a lot of help to you, but just know that there are people out there who know how it feels x