When does it stop feeling like a dream?

[Fightingdragonswithyou]

A horrible, horrible dream?

We lost our mum a week ago and it feels so unreal, like I'm watching it happen to me if that makes sense?

My kids are broken and it's breaking my heart over and over again knowing I can't make it better for them. I hate silence, I'm having to have constant noise so I can't think. Driving to work is hard as that's when I used to ring her for a chat.
She's the person I always rang and when I need her the most is not there 😭

Sounds like you were really close to your mum like we were to ours, it’s a horrendous time especially dealing with upset kids on top of your own grief. I think I was in shock for the first few weeks, it was an awful time that I’ll be glad never to relive. You have my full sympathies - there is nothing worse. I did the autopilot dinner school stuff but the harder bits like the will and the sadmin I left to my husband who was amazing throughout.

There were times in the first few months where I felt like I didn’t really care because I was so numb. But my mum was my best friend and two years on while I’m fully accepting, it’s still a unique pain.

I used to speak to my mum
on the way home from school and my sister stepped in and started calling me then, it was so kind of her.

Other things that helped were completely abstaining from alcohol, going to the gym as much as possible, bereavement counselling and listening to a podcast called grief cast. I used to lie in bed listening to it for hours. I also kept a grief journal and it was a totally lifeline for me - I would have been such an angry mess otherwise. I pulled out all the stops because I was terrified I’d have a breakdown, I was absolutely besotted with my mum and she with me. And I’m glad because that never leaves you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so hard. I think the first few weeks you are kind of on auto pilot just putting one foot in front of the other. I think I cried every day for the first month. I can't tell you if or when it gets easier as it's different for everyone I suppose. Just try and get through each day at the moment and above all be kind to yourself x

I lost my mum at the end of january its starting to feel real now
It didnt help that it was nearly four weeks innbetween her death and funeral.

I lost my mum just over a week ago after a sudden illness so a massive shock.

I can relate to it feeling like a dream - the first few days I kept thinking where is she? My elderly dad is staying with us. He is holding up pretty well. We are all just taking it one day at a time. I keep looking at her text messages. My teenage DS is doing ok too.

Not sure it’s sunk in. We are busy with preparations. I think after the funeral will be hard when we have to adjust to a new normal and support my dad going back home.

Thinking about how my mum would want me to behave is giving me strength.

So sorry others are also going through this hell.

Had a really bad night last night. Just vivid dreams of work, then awake since 5am and not able to get back to sleep.

I didn't cry much yesterday for the first time since it happened, I'm just numb at the moment.

I don't know how I'm meant to feel or if I'm doing this wrong.

For a different perspective I’m now some years down the line.

Those early weeks and months the grief was quite all consuming. It was all such a shock. Allow yourself to sit with your feelings. In retrospect I went back to work too soon.

I had a little cry every day for at least a year. I had some grief counselling after that. For me it took a few years to become used to her not being around and not to feel tearful every time I thought about her. I’m in the acceptance bit now but occasionally the loss hits hard. I’m not the same and there are still things I’ve stopped doing, such as entertaining at home.

The loss of a mother is one of the hardest things you go through in life. My sincerest condolences.

Forgot to say. The GP gave me a sleeping tablet (Zopiclone) which I used sparingly in those early weeks while in shock and not sleeping. It was a godsend and I didn’t feel sedated or groggy.

Sending you much love
It really is horrible isn't it! It took me a very long time. My DM was my best friend, only,64, and a cock up by the GP,who she trusted. He worked in the hospital where I was nursing I wanted to kill him. My colleagues were useless, they were embarrassed. I told them where to stick their job. The following year my (ex,) husband who had lost his business contracts insured me for a huge sum and tried to kill me! My DF,got a new lady friend 6 weeks after my DM dying. I only coped because I had young kids and no choice. I keep using her phrases, she used to say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger",so I guess I'm iron woman!

Are you able to take anytime off work? It seems quite early to have to have gone back x

GP has signed me off for 2 weeks. I don't know why I tried to go back really, seems silly thinking about it.

My mum was killed in a car accident at 69. I’d already lost my dad when he was 54. It still feels like a dream nine years on.
i used to cry in the car a lot.

I'd say take as long as you need / can. Not silly at all we all have different ways of dealing with things.

All I can say from my brother losing his wife is surround yourself with family and friends. In your dark moments reach out to someone. They might be thinking you need space but they will 100% be there for you at the drop of the hat when you need to reach out.