Help for Stagnating In Grief

[ThisIsHorrific]

Was caring for my parent full time and we were very close anyway. They died. I am now alone totally - no kids, DH or Boyfriend. I've taken some time off work - a few months - but I'm find that I cannot motivate myself to do anything. Each day in the morning I think I will tackled one task but then feel that its all pointless, my life is pointless and despair. Then filled with self-repulsion at night time by how rubbish I am. I've discussed anti-depressents w GP and we both concluded was not a good idea for me. Not sure what I'm posting for - maybe hope for some reassurance that this is just part of grief and will pass.

I can see that most of these tasks I am putting off is because I am scared of them and don't want to do them but there is a bigger picture of despair about my whole empty life.

I'm so sorry, that does sound incredibly hard - I think it's completely understandable you've found it so rough as you've essentially lost your main family relationship and your "job" at the same time, with not a huge amount to take it's place.

All I can say is that the only time I felt a bit of solace in the early months is going out for a walk in nature every day, and noticing the weather, the animals, the plants changing, how wind and sun felt on my skin. It helped me get out of my own head.

It's very early steps to rebuilding a life.

Thanks. sorry for your loss too.

the trouble is that I can't see a route to rebuilding a life and I don't really want to. the best I can get now is a sort of functioning shell of a life with no love or meaning.

not really wanting to maybe contributes to my failure to do anything.

What about some talking therapy?

I think that's normal and in some ways protective while your brain processes the loss. You're not rubbish, you're grieving.

I wouldn't worry about seeing a route forward right now, grief makes it very difficult to do that for a while. Especially with a parent, it disrupts your universe and sense of everything. Sometimes you just need to keep trudging for a while when everything feels pointless and gradually it lifts.

I know I couldn't imagine a future or a way forward from how I was feeling when my parents died. Over time that eases. I am sure with time this will pass for you too. Try not to be too hard on yourself in the meantime, you deserve kindness.

There is a really good book, It is Ok Not to Be Ok by Meghan Devine. She also runs the Refuge in Grief page. It is helping me just a month on from my son dying. I was his carer due to his disabilities, and feel the loss of my role as deeply as losing him.