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Bereavement

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Music

12 replies

CalmFox · 23/03/2025 07:00

My dad died on Friday, he had advanced dementia and been in care for the last five years, 400 miles away from me. I spent a few days with him in the hospital before he died. He moved away when I was a teenager and I saw him maybe 2 or 3 times a year, spoke on phone regularly. He'll be having an unattended direct cremation , no friends or relatives except me. Funeral director asked if I'd like a piece of music played in the chapel before the committal. I have no idea what music he liked and would like something. When I cleared his house a few years back he had no music, cd's etc. Any ideas please? He wasn't religious. Thank you.

OP posts:
lolly792 · 23/03/2025 07:32

Did he ever mention music at all when you were a child/ teenager? If he never did and you really have no clue what style of music he liked, then why not choose a piece which means something to you, or brings back a pleasant childhood memory? You’ll be the only family member present and you want something (which I agree, is preferable to silence) so it seems a good solution

Zanatdy · 23/03/2025 18:09

maybe go for a popular song often selected at funerals. Both at my dad’s and my friend’s mum’s funeral we had blackbird by the Beatles. Both were young people in the swinging sixties. Or maybe pick a song that means something to you.

BartokRules · 23/03/2025 18:42

Ashokan Farewell is lovely and often used for funerals

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/03/2025 18:49

Id go for something classical and soothing/contemplative like The Lark Ascending by Ralph Vaughan Williams

NonComm · 23/03/2025 19:02

As the PP said, Lark Ascending is beautiful. I also like Gabriel’s Oboe by Morricone.
Condolences on your loss x

KylieKangaroo · 23/03/2025 19:22

Do you know what the most popular song was the year he was born? It might not be suitable but also could be something lovely that could have a nice meaning behind it.
I hope it goes ok x

Doseofreality · 23/03/2025 19:25

“Sailing” is a really beautiful song for a funeral, the lyrics take on a new meaning.

menopausalmare · 23/03/2025 19:29

Zanatdy · 23/03/2025 18:09

maybe go for a popular song often selected at funerals. Both at my dad’s and my friend’s mum’s funeral we had blackbird by the Beatles. Both were young people in the swinging sixties. Or maybe pick a song that means something to you.

We played Blackbird at my dad's funeral. It's a lovely song and it always makes me well up. 😢

TheDandyKhakiDuck · 23/03/2025 19:31

some ideas…

The Parting Glass by Cara Dillon

Sleep, Dearie, Sleep (this was played on the bagpipes at Queen Elizabeth’s funeral)

These are Irish/Scottish Gealic songs. Perhaps there’s a traditional or folk song about parting or saying goodbye from his birth country/county?

oviraptor21 · 23/03/2025 19:34

Another vote for Ashokan Farewell.

What were your father's interests? If he was a military man then there's a band version of Ashokan Farewell or there's lots of suitable military band music.

If he was into his football, maybe You'll Never Walk Alone.

Zanatdy · 23/03/2025 21:11

menopausalmare · 23/03/2025 19:29

We played Blackbird at my dad's funeral. It's a lovely song and it always makes me well up. 😢

Me too, I didn’t know it would be playing at my childhood best friend’s mum funeral too. Same crematorium as my dad, so that was hard. It is a lovely song and my dad loved the beatles.

BereftBeyondBelief · 24/03/2025 02:33

Days by Kirsty MacColl

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