If you lost your mum as a child..

[whompingwillo]

How has it affected you and what could have been done differently to help you?

Im a step mum to a child who lost their mum at a very young age and I just want to do the right thing.

How old is the child? I don’t have personal experience but a close friend lost her mum when she was two. Luckily her dad remarried to the kindest sweetest lady who couldn’t have kids and took on my friend and her baby brother as her own. They call her mom and consider her their mother. They adore her and she them. I suppose it depends on the situation? Like in my friend’s case there was a clear mother shaped hole in their lives that their step mum could step into (sorry if badly worded). But some children may already have doting aunties or grannies or can provide that kind of love.

It depends on the age and the extent of the grief and bereavement. I have worked with children who have been 8-10 and they have struggled at points in their lives, whereas people who were babies have said they always felt something missing in not knowing their real mum. I think each child is different really, and the circumstances of death also makes things varied.

Hi OP, I lost my mum when I was 8. My dad did a few things that really helped like still celebrating her birthday every year, he talked alot about her and shared funny memories with us, lots of pictures around our house and he kept lots of her things for us to look through.
What I think would have helped me more is more thought from teachers at school, things may have changed now but 30 years ago I still was asked to make a mother's day card every year and teachers would be constantly saying things like 'when you go home tonight ask your mum to ............'.
What my dad wished he had done is to write down lots of things about my mum that he thought he would remember but has forgotten in time. Things about mine and my siblings births, how my mum was when pregnant with us, her fav films, books, songs, food etc as when we have asked him he just can't recall which can be a bit upsetting for him.
At the time she died I of course was very sad but at 8 you can't quite comprehend what it is you have lost and as I got older and hit certain milestones, goals, got married and had children I grieved over and over and have had alot of therapy to deal with this.
I think it shows what a lovely person you are to ask this OP and your step child is very lucky that you want to help them with this x

These are all super helpful thank you so much, she died when my stepdaughter was a baby, she calls me mummy now - im constantly worried that we don’t do enough to include her mum in her life. I will incooperaee all the things that have been mentioned thank you x