Grieving - is this normal?

[iseethembloom]

Lost my closest person exactly two months ago, and I’m crying on and off all day everyday. It adds up to hours a day. I think of him almost constantly. I don’t want to be here without him, if I’m honest.

The death was unexpected. It happened quickly without warning or decline (two days).

Is it normal to be in such a bad way after a couple of months?

That’s still very early days op, and there is no one way to grieve. Do you have any support irl? Cruse offer bereavement support if you need to talk to someone. I’m so sorry for your loss

www.cruse.org.uk

Yes, I think it is normal.

I remember not being able to stop crying after my Dad died, for months and months. I would sit in the car and drive from work to creche and the tears would flow. I would sit outside the creche trying to stop crying before going in, sometimes I simply couldn't stop the tears and would just have to walk in, discreetly wiping tears away as picking up the kids and signing them out. I just couldn't stop.

Eventually it is less intense. I suggest walking, running, being outdoors and also counselling, it sill help x

Grieving is the price to pay for love.

Thank you @NotHavingAFunTime
This is what The Samaritans told me on the phone yesterday evening - that it’s still very early days. I suppose it probably is. The problem is that i can’t imagine feeling any other way. I’m in such massive pain. I don’t know if I can hold on long enough for it to get better.

Your loved one would want you too, they would want you to grieve and then accept and feel happiness again.

The first year is the hardest x

@CreationNat1onthank you for your kind words. I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. What you described is how I am now. The moment I’m alone and especially in the car - I cry and sob. Thank you for telling me it will get less intense. Whenever that will be.

It's normal. I was warned at the beginning that around month 3-4 it is suddenly harder as the initial shock wears off. It took me close to two years before I felt I had real emotional control back. I cried first thing every morning for three months. It does get easier in time but it takes time to get there. I'm sorry for your loss.

Yes, normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve for a loved one. I lost my husband three years ago and the intensity of the grieving has lessened, I think life grows around the hole that bereavement causes rather than the bereavement getting less (if that makes sense). Sending you love and strength.

After my mum died (expected) I cried every day for a year. Just do what’s right for you. It’s awful but you’ll come out the other side xx

Yes, mine died after a long illness, so not such a shock, but I'd say a year before I was functioning more or less OK, on a day to day basis. Beyond that, it changes you forever though. I find it very hard to care about insignificant things that others still think are important like work

If you want my advice I'd say take the time you need, but don't let that become complete wallowing. Do get out and enjoy a walk in the sunshine, have a coffee with a friend if you can, but be really gentle with yourself.

I think grief is like a ball in a box. Currently the ball is pressing on all sides and it hurts. As time goes on the ball doesn’t get smaller but the box gets bigger so the number of times the ball hits the sides gets less and less but the grief is still there.

Thank you all so much for your kind replies. Because life won’t ever be as good again (and it won’t) I feel like giving up.
I will try to enjoy the summer and see if things are better by autumn. It’s horrendous.
Sorry for all of your losses.

Grieve how you need to, as long as you need to.

Grieving is so personal to each of us, take as long as you need to, there is no rush.

Life will become more meaningful again, in time.

Do take care of yourself @iseethembloom, with compassion. 🌼

@beetr00i have to go back to work in another week, which might be contributing to my misery. But I only do 20 hours and I’ve had eight weeks, so I also feel as though it’s probably time.

Grief is an intensely personal journey; your journey will be different from everyone else's, although there will be similarities.

Be kind to yourself. The one certainty in life is that everything changes, and your grief also will change and you will learn to live with it

My wife died over 4 years ago; I was very comforted when I told a new acquaintance about it and she said "4 years? That still very new, isn't it?" Because even now, I sometimes weep for no particular reason. I'm just sitting watching TV and something triggers a memory and I'm off!

It's normal OP. I think we lose our mind a bit when we grieve. You will heal eventually although it doesn't feel like that now.

Yes especially sudden death. I needed antidepressants in the end. I’ve stopped them now 4 years later but the grief floored me. Try to get out in nature. It’s healing.

So sorry for your loss, yes I would agree totally normal to feel like this after just two months, still early days. You are in the raw stage atm. People say time is a healer, and it is to a certain degree, but you never lose grief it’s just that life fits around it in time. Take each day as comes and cry when you need too, let the emotions out. Sending hugs

You’re all very reassuring and I feel a bit consoled that my response isn’t abnormal. Thank you for taking the time. X

I think it's normal sorry yes...

Mine passed 7 months ago and although I am starting to feel mildly better each day. I still cry usually, deep down I know I will never be the same.

Yes, this is completely normal.

It's been over 4 yrs since I lost my husband. A cousin (also a widow) told me it's a bit like having a burden that never goes away - it just gradually becomes lighter.

I still find myself weeping at times. At the 2 month stage, I was screaming at 4 walls.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Thank you everyone. @OneFineDay13I also feel that I’ll never be the same. I just can’t imagine feeling genuine happiness ever again. It is frightening. @aprilFOOLdo you think people do heal eventually?

My aunt once said that you never get over losing a loved one. But you do learn to live with the loss. And in my experience she was right. Loved ones I have lost live on in my heart, and these days I fondly remember them without all the awful depressing feelings of loss and sadness. I hope that you too will learn to live with your loss sooner rather than later.