My dad died almost a year ago. I am the only sibling who lives a long distance away from our home town. The anniversary falls on Mother's day this year, so my siblings have arranged to get together with mum and each other and are going to mass then out for a brunch.
For context, I think I grieved hard and early. I had two months of intense study for my masters project deadline which was incredibly tough in the circumstances. Then I simply crashed. For 3 months I sank into a major catatonic depression where I was almost unable to function and wracked with physical pain. I'm freelance and got no work, and tbh felt like life as I knew it was over.
I did some grief counselling which was transformative, changed some medication, got some work, did a pain management course, lost 3 stone, and successfully came out of that period somehow stronger.
In February, the anniversary of the day he got his diagnosis hit me really hard. If I think about any of it, I can trigger the sadness, but I have fully resolved most of the circular thinking about it, and genuinely think I have reached acceptance. I have been up to mums on regular extended visits and helped her do all the legal and financial stuff, probate, decluttering and dad's stuff. This has cost me megabucks in terms of my missed freelance work, but obviously I see it as my duty, not only because I love my mum to bits, but also because dad specifically asked me to look after mum.
Anyway. I've just got back from the latest visit to mum, during which we've finalised the legal bits and started the ball rolling on some home improvements as well as the gravestone. I am going up again on the (6 hr) drive to family a fortnight after the anniversary (Easter Sunday) which happens to be the day he died last year.
I'm wondering if I should go up for the anniversary on the 30th as well. It's a tough call. There's no obligation, I feel I've done my duty, and If I go, it will be for me.
But all the travelling up and down is a bit excessive.
Should I go?