Newly widowed, empty fridge

[Hisredipad]

My life is sad, my fridge is even sadder.

it’s never ever been just me, always been DH, me and the kids who now have homes of their own.

over the past few weeks since DH passed away the fridge has slowly emptied as I ate or threw away what was in it, but I find myself buying hardly anything to fill it, I’ve cut back on everything because I ended up throwing away things, so no more grapes, oranges, soft fruits every week etc because I bin more than I’ve eaten, this week I’ve got oranges, next week ill have grapes. But that’s pretty crap isn’t it because pretty much everything is pre packaged.

I hadn’t realised what a snacker DH was and how our shopping list was really based on what he liked to eat.

I freeze pretty much everything as it comes in if it’s at all possible, and cooking randomly from the fridge as I used to on a whim of what me might like tonight’s is now impossible.

Am I doing something wrong or is this just it now?

Me too. DH died three years ago tomorrow and I have just been thinking about how my shopping habits have changed since he died. I could really do with some snacky bits tonight but the fridge is bare, there are still days when I find cooking for one a real struggle too. It does become easier to live with though.

I'm in exactly the same position as you, so you have my sympathy - my large family fridge is sadly empty. I've also stopped buying much fruit. I've just started a trial of Hello Fresh in an attempt to cook more interesting things than poached egg on toast or marmite pasta. I eat one portion for my evening meal & save the other for the next day as they only do it in portions for 2 people.

@Seawolves Im missing the snacks bits as well, I ate the last biscuit today and it made me cry because I doubt I’ll buy them again as wasn’t really my thing but that was all I had left.

@Radiohorror yes I’ve found two portion meals awkward but I got a fresh one this week and froze the second portion in a smaller takeaway type box so I’ll have that one next week.

I batch cooked 750g of mince into five cottage pie last week which I’ve realised are slightly too big so would have got 6, obviously made them DH portion sized.

I don’t even know what I want to eat anymore, always driven to cook something DH would like most of the time. Food used to be a social moment, now it’s just something I do as part of my day.

I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve lived alone before and my fridge was typically quite bare. I only fill my fridge up if guests are coming or if I’m living with someone. Otherwise it’s hard to be motivated plus, like you say, you buy more than you use and it just gets thrown out.

HelloFresh is a good idea so you only get the exact ingredients you need for each week. As is freezing things so they don’t go off. Personally, I only have frozen fruit, not fresh. You can defrost it as you need it or just put it ‘as is’ into a smoothie or on top of porridge.

As long as you’re properly nourished, you don’t need to make your life all about food. It’s ok if it doesn’t take up much space in your life any more.

I am in a similar situation, DH died nearly three years ago, I am probably “luckier” than most as my three with Down Syndrome are still at home. I totally agree about bare fridge it used to be so full and it looks sad and empty!
As for cooking too much I still can’t get used to cooking less! Also how do you carve a chicken?

It can be. It is for me - we had no family. So it’s just me and the cats. My shopping bill for me literally is £30 for the month. (Cats cost me £150). If I don’t eat at the staff canteen I don’t eat. Dh death has left me with an ED amidst the grief. A friend has gone the opposite way, eating everything and everything.

I’m so sorry OP. You are grieving and nothing feels right. Your eating habits will adjust in time but this is very early days.

Is there a farm shop / market or grocers nearby? You might be able to buy smaller quantities of fruit and veg to keep the variety?

My mum said the exact same, she eats now for function and not for enjoyment. Shes buys low fat and low salt ready meals so she's got something tasty and relatively nutritious.

Mind you she did say she was buying lots of cakes and sweet treats after dad died as he would sometimes scoff at those kind of things so she has treated herself to some nice food.

Can you eat out with friends on a regular basis just to have some variety? Pop fur a lunch occasionally.

Ok, what worked for me:
Meal plan, shop and cook for 2 days only. I don’t have breakfast, and I don’t drink milk, so that bit was easy. Realised that batch cooking doesn’t really work, because it’s not nice to eat the same thing, or defrost stuff, unless it’s occasional.
This week, I chopped a punnet of mushrooms, added garlic, spinach, sesame seeds. I fried a halloumi pack separately. On Monday I had that on sourdough bread (bought half a loaf) for dinner. On Tuesday, I mixed the rest of the mushrooms etc with 4 eggs. Half I had with salad that day, the other half I had for lunch yesterday. For dinner last night I had the rest of the sourdough with some cheese and a can of soup.

Sometimes I boil 6 eggs, say. 2 for lunch. 2 added to a salad, with some salmon and vinaigrette for dinner, 2 mixed with a boiled potato, pickles etc for a potato salad.

Basically, I cook a ‘base’ that I can then incorporate in other dishes.

For snacks, I buy individually wrapped rice cakes, or biscuits, or a Daim cake that I slice and then freeze, just getting one slice out when I fancy it.

Fruit, if I bought too much/didn’t get round to eat them, I make smoothies with.

HTH.

Can you start inviting your DC over more often for dinner or are they too far away?

Have you looked into any social activities nearby, eg a book club if you enjoy reading, or volunteering with a local brownies or rainbows group? You may not feel like it yet which is completely understandable, but if you feel up to it then it may help with the loneliness.

@mumof2many1943 i have no idea how to carve a chicken but DH would moan if I hadn’t let it rest for a good ten minutes and he always sharpened our knives. I learnt to spatchcock a chicken years ago and it’s a great way to quickly and I suppose now cheaply roast a chicken (great for a bbq too).

I also cook a small ham joint alongside it these days for maximum oven usage and threw in a jacket potatoes for lunches when DH was alive.

I’ve got a Lakeland meat slicer and yesterday I cooked a ham joint and when it was cold I sliced it all, some thicker slices, some thinner for sandwiches and I layered several slices between greaseproof paper layers into an old ice cream tub so I can whip out about six plus slices at a time for meals and sandwiches.

thanks all for your tips, Im going to investigate farm shops and yesterday I found lots of frozen fruit in the freezer and put it in a tub in the fridge chucking in a tin of mandarin oranges, I took a bowls worth out when making my evening meal and by the time I wanted it had defrosted nicely and topped with some chopped apple.

I was so used to cooking for large gatherings and batch cooking was the key to
Being on top of life when DH had all his hospital appointments. Batch cooking seemed an odd thing to do being on my own but I think it’s the way forward, it’s really promoted for busy families but I can see it’s worth when you’re on your own.

I am fortunate to have a large family although they are not close and they check in everyday. I host a WI reading group and we need a president but I can’t see me doing that now so I am hopeful someone else will take on that role.

@ Hisredipad Thankyou re Lakeland slicer will look into it! Take care and keep smiling ☺️

I thoroughly recommend COOK frozen meals...they do single portions. Useful to keep in and just bulk out with extra veg.
When ds died suddenly 5 months ago, a friend sent me 7 meals and they were so welcome x

I basically eat the same meals two days running, much of the time. I'll buy the packs of two easy cook items like, say, chicken fillets wrapped in bacon, cook two meals worth of potatoes and at least two veggies in my steamer pan set. Eat half on the day, and microwave the other half the next day. I quite like the effortlessness of the second days.

I also waste a lot of fruit, but I can't bring myself to buy just a couple of apples or whatever, when a bag is so much better value.

@AuntieMarys , thanks for reminding about COOK, I used to buy them for DH and I when we were away in our caravan so we could each have what we fancied. Our garden centre has at least six freezers so I’ll go have a rummage tomorrow.

@mumof2many1943 don’t know if Lakeland still do one but I am sure you can still get them, it definitely makes a ham go a long way as you can slice very thinly. Mine also cuts bread and cheese etc but I only really use it to but beef or ham joints.

Last week I went to the garden centre and bought myself five Cook meals

I’ve been finding it particularly hard some evenings to even engage my brain to think of what to cook. Normally I plan ahead and I’ve sorted this out before lunchtime. But I’ve been exceptionally busy with work.

I’m trying to compile a list of easy meals that just don’t take any brain space for when I’ve looked in the freezer and can’t even be bothered to cook something from frozen

So far, I’ve got omelettes, beans on toast, jacket potatoes with a variety of fillings

Any thoughts on other things I can add to it?

I use the inside of one of my cupboard doors as a whiteboard and I’ve written this list up so that when brain is foggy I can just read the list and hopefully something from the empty fridge will actually make one of these meals

The list is really good! I do that, though for different reasons.
What about soup? I do ham and green peas, and tomato most. Tomato is a tin of toms, some seasonings and peppers/onion/celery blended with a stick blender and some milk. if it’s being eaten as a main meal, some orange lentils add protein but cook really fast and don’t impact the flavour.
Pea and ham is the ham stock with frozen peas.

If I’m eating it as a main meal I add cheese/ham/bread.

Shashuka is a nice one. Tinned tomatoes with seasoning and eggs poached into it.

Those frozen part baked bread rolls are a meal saver. Everything is nicer with a fresh crusty roll!

Oh bless you. I remember this feeling so well. It is compounded by grief, which also takes your appetite somewhat.

I found eventually three meals I really enjoy and did them twice each week. Sometimes one fresh, one to be reheated to save cooking. I think it was

2 portions of salmon, - cook in the oven wrapped in foil, with a little oil with potatoes and green veg

2 chicken breasts roasted in the air fryer with frozen roast potatoes and veg, and gravy

Cheese omelette, mushroom omelette

That leaves just one evening for pasta stir fry, or fish n chips, or a cook meal . . .

Hope that helps x

Thank you, unfortunately, I’m allergic to tomatoes, I didn’t find out until a couple of years ago they make my mouth sore, I often wonder if it’s why I’ve always stayed clear of them.

Some great tips thank you, I’ve never considered soup as a main meal but I can do anything I please now so perhaps I should be thinking more about what I like than what is traditional.

My partner died 2 years ago and I think this part of it has been the hardest coz he always cooked . Every morning he would take something out of the freezer for tea before he went to work .
I went to do a big shop last month and the majority of it went out of date . I forgot about all the stuff in the bread bin .
I just can’t be bothered to cook just for me . But then I feel like I’ve lost all interest in everything . I say quite often to my friends I feel like I’ve lost ME . We used to watch the soaps together , I barely put the tv on now . I don’t know what I like to do anymore coz I’m bored of doing everything by myself and it’s not the same with anyone else .
I didn’t realise how much I would miss our life more than I actually miss the person himself .

I'm not in your situation, but I was a lone Army wife for years, and the shopping and cooking for one was part and parcel.

I had (and still have) regular "on toast" dinners - cheese, beans, beans and cheese, eggs in various ways, tinned tomatoes, pilchards/mackerel in tomato sauce, fried mushrooms with some garlic and herb soft cheese stirred through (also makes an epic very quick pasta sauce, with or without crispy bacon).

I also had a Breville and made pizza toasties - spread some tomato puree on the bottom slice, add whatever vaguely pizza toppingy bits I had (mushrooms, baby pepperami, ham), and then put cheese in. All the food groups represented and ready in ten minutes.

A cheese toasty in the Breville or pan also turns tomato soup into a dinner.

Jacket potatoes with tuna, beans, cheese.

Greek yoghurt - goes in things, on things, with things and lasts ages (waaaay past the date). I use it in place of sour cream or creme fraiche.

I buy frozen berries and heat some in a little jug in the microwave and pour them over said yoghurt for a dessert. I add granola (lasts forever in an airtight tub) to make it more substantial for a breakfast/lunch/snack, or break a meringue nest into it (they also keep for months) for a more Eton Mess vibe.

Snacks - I'd get the lunchbox kids ones. Then if I only fancied one occasionally, the rest wouldn't go soft.

I hope some of this is useful, and I'm really sorry for your loss.

I can do anything I please now so perhaps I should be thinking more about what I like than what is traditional.

👏

It’s taken me years to get my appetite back and find my own groove with cooking/eating after my H died very young. For years I ate out a lot as it was too much to think through the planning / grocery / cooking process, and I needed the little human interaction of saying hi to a cafe assistant tbh.

Go easy on yourself. This is a phase. It’ll pass. Try not to make your empty fridge mean anything other than it’s an empty fridge!

My easy go-to meals for me and my 1 DC are…

• salmon fillet or chicken in the oven served with a rice / quinoa / pasta and green veg. Add pesto/butter for some easy flavour.
• jacket potatoes (I love a sweet potato) with topping and salad
• homemade or shop-bought fresh soup (definitely a meal on its own for me!) with sourdough toast or bake-at-home baguette
• fruit salad - use a tin of pineapple (for the juice) with apple, orange, grapes. Keep in fridge for breakfast/puddings
• beef bolognaise meals as easy for batch cooking/freezing - make into spaghetti bolognaise, lasagne or as a jacket potato topping
• quiche (buy a lovely one like Higgedy) with rice/quinoa/similar and salad
• browse the fresh section at the supermarket for easy lunch and picky bits - pasta salads, cold meats

I found getting hello fresh meals for two and cooking both portions and having them two nights in a row worked well. Less thinking.