Gift ideas please

[DBD1975]

A dear friend has just lost an adult child.
I want to send a gift to show I care, other than flowers and food is not practical as they are not in the UK
Any ideas gratefully received, thank you.

So very sorry to read about this.
In these circumstances I tend to go with doing a supermarket shop of essentials - I can’t imagine having to face a supermarket at a time like this. It’s always always really appreciated as it’s something that does actually help. As it sounds like you aren’t in the same place, this won’t really work.
i honestly think in the black hole of bereavement that flowers/ books/ candles etc don’t really register. In fact, my aunt was so distraught when her husband died suddenly that she put all the flowers that came in the bin and could never face reading the cards that were sent. I think she felt “it’s not a birthday”.
What I’ve learned is that what really matters is staying in touch in a meaningful way.
For my closest friends, I sent a daily text, always being clear I don’t expect a response, and I kept that up daily for weeks. I continued to stay in touch in the same way every few days for months over the first year. I remember my best friend saying I was the only person who he felt hadn’t forgotten him and was there for him - just through the act of staying in contact in this way. I have a note in my calendar for the anniversaries and make sure I message then too. it’s not a gift but being there through the long haul will matter more.
Ive another friend whose mother is dying and it’s hard and messy. Right at the beginning I said “I’m going to message you every day to see what you need. I won’t expect a response and I don’t want to be intrusive, but hopefully it’s easier to say “oh I need xyz” in response to a text than it is to reach out.” My daughter got a message from her daughter (her best friend) thanking her for the support from our family and that it made such a difference and that they feel less alone.
Perhaps you would be doing these things anyway, but I think a card and perhaps a visit in the coming months when they are processing is enough. X

Send a card with kind words and memories.

This was my mum, no present was good. It all brought horrible connotations to those gifts going forward when she was given them for other occasions.

Excellent, kind advice, you are a good person, thank you xx

You are so right, no matter what I looked at on the relevant websites, everything seemed so inappropriate.
I have always hated being given flowers, they just remind me of funerals and people I have lost, so go straight in the bin xx

Thank you. I don’t know so much about that, but I just remember when I was beeeaved - the only thing that helped was when I could feel people’s care and concern for me and when I felt that my deceased loved one’s life mattered to someone else as well as me. I don’t remember who sent cards or flowers.
The shopping thing was a thing Nigella said years ago - how a friend left a shopping bag of groceries at her door. Such an obvious but powerful thing to do - I do this now. I have also sent an online shop to people in the past if I don’t live near them (but obviously have had to check with them that they will be in.) At times like this the things that matter are the things that lift the load, in whatever small way, aren’t they?
Im so sorry for your friend losing her child - and sorry for you. It’s very painful to know someone we care deeply about is in an aging like this. All we can do is help them hold it. X

I lost my adult ds 5 months ago. I wanted no cards or flowers...I did receive food which was very welcome but I appreciate you can't do that.
It's so personal...I also didn't want any comments about him going to a better place, angels, robins, feathers, he'll always be with me etc.
I appreciated my friends checking in with me through messenger/ WhatsApp...especially 5 months on.

So sorry for the huge and unfathomable loss of your son. X

I was sent so many flowers when my husband died I had to go out and buy more vases! Made all the more difficult when the check out guy said "cheer up dear it will never happen!" I'm sorry to say in my distressed state I said "well my husband died 3 days ago so it already has" He was mortified to be fair but really you never know what is going on in people's lives. So yes, some kind words go a long way. I still have my cards from 13 years ago.

Thank you xx