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Bereavement

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My darling girl is 18 tomorrow, and I'm not coping well

89 replies

MybabyEmmaiseighteen · 22/02/2025 15:26

When I close my eyes and think of her I don't see the ventilator, or the wires, or the feeding tube, or the incubator anymore.

I see her dark brown shock of hair, and her beautiful dark eyes, and her gorgeous skin and tiny feet.

When I think of her now I imagine she's still here and being sassy, wearing too much make up, and deciding where her life was going to take her, because, even after so long, it's too hard to think about her not being here anymore.

She was my first daughter, she was perfect to me, the xrays and tests and doctors said otherwise, but she was just my beautiful little girl.

The girl who I read to for hours a day in the 2 short weeks she lived, the girl who I sang to (and she rolled those beautiful eyes every time I did), and I played music to because good music taste starts when they are babies after all, the girl who loved Hey Diddle Diddle (just as her older brother, who also died did).

18 tomorrow, I can't believe it, the days have been so long, but the years have just been so short.

I never even got to hug her, just hold her gently on a board as she had brittle bones.

Asking the nurse to come and take her off the ventilator when I was ready was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to do, the last thing I wanted was for my beautiful girl to die.

And now, here I am, 18 years on, when I should be in the middle of party planning, struggling to get out of bed today.

I hope that her big brother is with her wherever they may be and they are planning a good old knees up together somewhere.

I really feel like I can't take another birthday, but I have to. And I'm not even being a good Mum to my other kids this weekend because I'm just struggling this year, which is making me feel worse still.

OP posts:
BlackEyedFrozenPeas · 23/02/2025 08:05

We are thinking of you today OP. Lots of love and hugs to you. X

Milosmum61 · 23/02/2025 08:30

Thinking of you today OP, and of your beautiful Emma x

ladyamy · 23/02/2025 09:19

Happy heavenly birthday Emma 👼🏼

sankacoolrunnings · 23/02/2025 11:50

She was beautiful, so gorgeous. I'm so sorry x

MybabyEmmaiseighteen · 23/02/2025 12:13

Thank you all. Your words and thoughts are really overwhelming.

My dc dived into my bed this morning and we all squished up together and watched a film, it was a lovely start to a hard day.

Just off to bake Emma's cake with them now.

I'm so sorry that there are so many other bereaved parents going through this too, it's just a shitty, shitty place to be.

I'm going to light a candle for Emma tonight, and one for my son Scott, and another for all of the other children that were taken just far too soon ❤️

OP posts:
Mosstheracoon · 23/02/2025 16:12

I hope you all enjoy your cake. It was so nice to see Emma's photo. Clearly a bright wee button and very very sweet. I light a candle most nights and will think of your Emma and Scott when I do that tonight.

Yorkshirebornandbread · 23/02/2025 18:27

What a beautiful little girl, thank you for sharing. May she and Scott rest in peace and rise in glory xx

NOTANUM · 24/02/2025 19:40

I’m so glad the day started well and it sounds like your DC recognise the importance of their big sister. She was a beautiful girl judging by that photo. What a shame she couldn’t stay longer in this world but her memory lives on. Hope you’re okay today..

AgathaMystery · 24/02/2025 19:46

OP I just wanted to say congratulations on your lovely Emma, and I wish very much she were here with you today x

Justanotherusername27 · 24/02/2025 22:38

Emma what a beautiful girl you are ❤️ I believe she will be waiting for you x

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 24/02/2025 22:42

Happy Birthday beautiful Emma and sending so much love to you op!
My cat has materialised out of nowhere and is trying to cuddle me for the tears streaming down my face.
Sending you all the love op.

MybabyEmmaiseighteen · 25/02/2025 08:45

Thank you everyone for the support ❤️

It was a rough weekend, but I'm feeling much better today, she died on the 9th of March, so there's that coming up too, but one of my other dc has a birthday this week so busy preparing for that. She's obsessed with Phantom of the Opera so I've ordered a ridiculously excessive cake POTO themed so I'm very excited about that.

I wish my cat would materialise when I'm sad, my cat materialises when she requires something from me and that's about it.

I do have a big, furry, slobbery dog who spent the day giving me love, covering me in drool and dog hair though so that's just as good.

Thanks again for the support, and taking some time to read about Emma and look at her photo, it means so much to be able to show off my baby girl sometimes and get the chance to have a chat about her.

OP posts:
LavenderFields7 · 25/02/2025 08:51

Gosh this post made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss. Emma looks like she was a beautiful little girl. 🌷 🩷

BettyBardMacDonald · 25/02/2025 09:21

What a beautiful little girl. I'm so sorry for your suffering. No doubt she felt loved and wanted. 💐💐💐

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