Sudden loss of sister

[lisaM49]

I'm struggling with the sudden loss of my sister who died last August.

She had an addiction and was making great progress the last 11 months before her death from a rogue infection and I feel this is why I'm finding it so hard to accept, she had already done all of the hard work and should of been looking forward to a better life.

I can't stop thinking about her and how I will never see or hug her again, I'm constantly crying and feel exhausted...I just want to know she is ok 💔

I'm sorry OP

Would you like to tell us about her?

I'm so sorry for your loss. August wasn't very long ago in the journey of grief at all.

I don't have any siblings but I can imagine that it's an awful gap in your life. You must have been so proud of your sisters progress against addiction.

Best way to describe her was she knew how to look after everyone else but didn't know how to look after herself. She was 48 when she passed, we had an ongoing issue with helping her beat her addiction and tried 3/4 times to get her better.

I feel so guilty I couldn't help her and that I am now living life and things are going well for me, the guilt is horrendous. I feel like it should have been me and not her or she paid with her life to teach us all how to live and not take life for granted. It's all so unfair

We are all so proud, she always said she was the black sheep of the family and how she brought shame on us all and I hate the fact she felt that way, we all tried to help her, 3/4 times we got her in a good place but she always slipped back. I almost made myself ill the last year of her life trying to help her with her bills and housing but I feel as though I didn't do enough and the guilt is eating me up

You sound like the most caring sister and I'm sure your sister appreciated it. I'm pretty certain she wouldn't want you to feel guilty.

(Btw I think guilt is one of the stages of grief so you might be able to move past these feelings in time).
I don't mean to give a clichéd response but your sisters situation and relationship with you sounds quite complicated, maybe some counselling might ease your mind a little?