Hand hold please. My Dad is dead.

[Literallynoonecares]

Just that really. I don't live close by. My Brother has gone to see him this morning and found him dead. I am just in shock and don't know what to think right now. I feel numb.

I'm so sorry, what a terrible shock, do you have anyone who can sit with you right now? I'm so sorry for your loss x

That must be a terrible shock for you. Would you like to tell us about him?

So sorry. How very traumatic. 💐💐💐

Are you at home op?

First things first. Put the kettle on. Make a brew. Sit down. Breathe.

Thank you, I have my husband here who has been amazing. I have to be strong as I have had to relay the news to my daughters which was awful. We are all in shock.

Seems he just sat down in front of the TV last night and died. One saving grace is that the paramedics think it was likely to have been fairly instant from the way he was sat. He had been diagnosed with a large inoperable aortic aneurysm so was on borrowed time so it would seem this has burst and killed him.

He was given a maximum of 2 years just after Christmas so we were not expecting it to be this soon. Even though we knew he would go at some point we didn't expect it to be now. We just assumed we would have more time.

We had a family meal for his Birthday planned next month and his grandaughter was coming over from Ireland as a surprise and the other coming down from uni in Liverpool. Why couldn't he hold on for that at least? It feels cruel.

I'm so sorry - sending you kind thoughts and well wishes x

@Literallynoonecares I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. It is a very traumatic life event to lose a loved parent especially when it was unexpected.

You will be in shock and it might not feel like it but it's a good natural thing. Shock is your body's way of helping you cope - it helps to get you through.

Sadly there is nothing anyone can say that will make it feel better because death is shit, grief is painful and the only way round it is through. An hour at a time

I would recommend this book which I found helped me in the early days
Coping With Grief 4th Edition Paperback – 10 Sept. 2015
by Dianne McKissock and Mal McKissock
https://www.waterstones.com/book/coping-with-grief-4th-edition/dianne-mckissock/mal-mckissock/9780733330889

Even though you won't feel like it try to do the minimum to stay healthy so try to keep hydrated, have some calorie intake (I felt sick for a long time and could barely manage toast but do what you can).

hugs to you.

Thank you for taking your time to respond to me. It is much appreciated. I am definitely still in shock. It just doesn’t feel real at all. I can’t process it right now. I don’t know what to think or feel and what can’t quite believe he has actually gone. 😟

So sorry to hear about your dad. Glad you're not alone handling it. Be good to yourself.

I’m sorry for your loss. My father died suddenly to a few months ago. It’s really hard, especially when you have upcoming plans.

I found comfort in doing things like sorting out him some clothes to wear for the funeral. I find keeping busy helpful. You might also take some time away from work to process.

Do whatever works for you. 💐

Thank you for taking your time to respond to me. It is much appreciated. I am definitely still in shock. It just doesn’t feel real at all. I can’t process it right now. I don’t know what to think or feel and what can’t quite believe he has actually gone

You won't for a while because death is a huge shock anyway - even when it is expected if someone is end of life for days in hospital, the reality of it is still a shock because it is a death. You are in a +++ shock situation because it was truely unexpected with no forewarning, no hospital admission to allow you to prepare even a little bit.

Every situation has advantages and disadvantages. An unexpected quick death has the advantage of a likely lack of pain or suffering for the deceased but has a terrible disadvantage of the huge shock and not time to prepare for those left behind. A slower more end of life situation has the advantage for the family of a little time to prepare mentally but the massive disadvantage of having to watch someone die, probably if not suffering not having a good quality of life. Like I said death is tragic which ever way you look at it and it is rarely good. If you love someone you want them to live for ever.

Print out this famous post from Reddit about grief coming in waves as it may give you comfort later on as the shock wears off.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/

Like I said, I wish I could take away your pain or say something useful. I wish I could take away my pain which is here after more than a year, more than year.

There is a lot to be said for that phrase grief is the price you pay for love.

If there is a lot of love, the price is high and the grief is very painful but as your shock eases and reality hits in, do hang on to that - its because you loved him so much that the pain is great. Having a lot of love is always a blessing and always a lucky thing. You wouldn't swap the love for anything though right.

Condolences to you as well @PixiePonies

As @PixiePonies says do whatever gives you comfort and ignore people who try to tell you how to grieve - I got a lot of that. I think it's endemic in people. There is no right or wrong - if you want to keep busy and that works for you, you do that; if you want to hide away and avoid people for a month, you do that; if you want to wear his old jumper to feel close to him you do that. Whatever it is, it's fine. It's normal. There is nothing you will do or want to do that someone somewhere else has not done or is doing right now. Just ignore anyone who tries to tell you their way is better. Your instinct will guide you.

Hugs again.