Mum passed away 20 years ago

[Prontehpronto]

I was 20 when my mum passed away, I'm now 40. Mum was 41 when she passed. Think about mum most days, am generally quite upbeat outwardly but just feel like I'm just profoundly sad inside, struggling abit at times. Should I still be this sad after all this time?

I am so sorry to read your post. I can totally relate and fully understand what you are saying.
Don't know if you had any counselling at the time but even if you did it sounds like you might benefit from some further counselling, you could self refer to MIND online or speak to your GP.
The Good Grief Trust has lots of useful resources and can sign post to different groups which might be of benefit.
I think when you lose a parent young, as with any type of bereavement, you never get over it, but you learn to live with it.
At best I find everything is tinged with a sense of melancholy.
OP you have done amazingly well, you have carried on with your life, for the past 20 years and, outwardly, you are able to present to the world and show up every day. Perhaps a course of low dose anti-depressants might help?
I have days when I am really sad and then days when I feel happy and then other days when I am somewhere between the two.
I hear you OP, you are not alone in your sadness, those of us who lost a parent young, always carry that lose with us.
Please speak to your GP and explain how you feel, I did and it really helped and I hope the same for you.
My heart goes out to you.

Thank you, I'm bit worried that my melancholic outlook might somehow pass onto my children, I try to be upbeat, been finding it difficult to look forward to anything, might try counselling actually, have not spoken to my dad or sister, we don't talk about mum, I think I was probably closer to mum

It's quite common to go through a heightened sense of grief as you reach the age your loved one died at. I know you have been grieving all along but don't be surprised if this seems more as you turn 41. Its very young for your mom to pass and you are aware of what life is like now and how tragic it is she missed all this. It might be a good time to have some bereavement counselling. Whatever grief you feel is your grief..everyone is different . I still grieve 20 years after my dad died and l can never speak about him without crying. He died suddenly and l feel so sad he missed those years he should have had. On the other hand my dm was extremely incapacitated towards the end and l don't grieve as much for her as she couldn't endure suffering any more. My dps were much older than yours.

I lost my partner over twenty years ago when I was in my early 20s. I’m now happily married with a family and have a very positive life but I still think about him more than people realise. I’m not sure if that helps reassure you at all - I’ve come to terms with that it’s just how it is for me and always will be. Life has moved on so much but I think his life is worth remembering and acknowledging. It was so much shorter than most people’s but love lives on.

My Mum passed when I was 19, 20 years ago also.

For me, I think I have some kind of PTSD around her death, because I do also think about it alot. My Mum's death was sudden, I had only just moved out the home and I didn't have any tools to process her death at the time. I was extremely unprepared emotionally. For me the whole thing was extremely traumatic. I tried grief meetings but it didn't work for me so I have always found creative projects to be good for my wellbeing and soul.

Hi Op I lost my mum 3 months ago and I’m 40 too. I feel so so cheated, it was sudden and unexpected. I can’t imagine how you must feel. I’m so sorry but your feelings are valid and I would suggest some therapy to help you process what has been a terrible loss for you. Sending you positive vibes xxx