Mum

[WaryTealFawn]

having difficulty getting over my mums death. She lived abroad and I hadn’t seen her for 12 years before she died. Prior to those 12 years we visited her twice yearly, but it was never reciprocated and we had a young family so money was tight. It’s like I’m feeling loss upon a loss. The fact that she moved abroad and didn’t visit for 20 years and now she’s died. It’s kind of a double grief.

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your Mum. That’s hard enough to deal with, without the complicated emotions around not having seen her for a long time before she died. It’s not your fault that your finances wouldn’t stretch to visiting her latterly. Was she unable to travel or do you feel she didn’t want to? That must have been so difficult for you. Will you be able to go to the funeral? That might help the grieving process, and provide some closure.

I feel she didn’t want to. But I never asked her directly as I was embarrassed to hear her excuses. She didn’t want a funeral.