Dad died. Numb

[Ddclub20255]

Hi all,

New to mumsnet but really needed somewhere to express this. My dad died 2 weeks ago. It was sudden, suspected heart attack. Theres no age to lose a parent i know it all hurts the same bht im 29 he was 51 (so young) I cried my heart out for the first week day after day. And one day I woke up and was absolutley normal. As if nothing ever happened. I don't feel sad, I can even look at pictures, listen to songs and not shed a tear. I know I still feel sad but I'm scared I'm delaying my grief. He was also on holiday when this happened and his body is still not back. Does this mean I am over it. Has anyone experienced anything similar. I am in denial? When I see his body will everything come rushing back or have I actually grieved in 2 weeks.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is brutal.

You're probably in shock. It may take some time to process. Go easy on yourself and take your time.

Sending love x

Oh darling. I’m so very sorry. Grief isn’t linear. It’s like the ocean waves - it comes and goes. Youlll always miss him but some days will be easier than others. Take care - you’ve had such a shock. X

Grief isn't linear, it comes and goes in waves (and frequently smacks you in the back of the head when you least expect it). There are many stages to it, they don't come in any set order and they can repeat themselves. I lost DH three years ago and the tears have never come, I don't know if they ever will but it doesn't mean I am not grieving for him. Everyone's experiences are different. I am so sorry for your loss.

In my experience it comes and goes in waves. It sounds like you didn't hold back and felt all your feelings, which is really healthy.
So sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with your self and take thigs slowly.

@Ddclub20255 I’m sorry for your loss, I don’t think the pain of losing someone ever goes away.

My Dad passed away unexpectedly 10 years ago, I still cry for him, I still wake up thinking he’s here and I need to call him and then I remember he’s gone.

Grief is strange, for me, it’s never fully gone away xx

oh lovely, no, truthfully you haven’t even started to grieve. You’re in shock. The grief and rainbow of emotions will come. You’re in survival mode.

I lost my dad at 60 only 6 months ago. He was on holiday too, it was completely unexpected. I feel worse about it now than I did then. I saw him 5 days before he died, the next time I ‘saw’ him he was in a casket being carried into the funeral and all I can remember was feeling numb. I even wondered if he was actually in there, it was as if he had vanished into thin air. My brain was missing the link between him being alive and then not being here, it hadn’t accepted it. It sound like you’re in a similar place.

The emotions will come, all different ones and they can be unpredictable. Some days i don’t think about dad at all, and others I can’t hold back the tears. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself xx

How are you doing @Ddclub20255 ? X

I lost my dad 8 weeks ago. I feel numb too. I had a screaming attack or two, then got drunk just to cry and scream. Now, little things, like going back to the hospital, make my chest tight and tears just flow. I coped without a tear at his funeral and wake, even wrote and read his obituary, but I can't remember anyone there. I didn't cry at the chapel of rest. I don't know how this is meant to work or what comes next. I have been to the cemetery 3 times, played music, and not felt a thing. I can't connect the cemetery with my dad. He was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, then I rushed him to the hospital after a few weeks and didn't get to bring him back home. I went to all 4 of his appointments. Surely this is just a bad dream 🥀🙏I made him eat 3 times a day, he was a terrible eater ate like a bird , he had no wrinkles, didn't look 72 , its a cruel world we live in, it will hot you , when you least expect it , you sound like you were in shock I think I am still , sending love to you and all that have lost someone close x

Hello, your experience sounds almost identical to mine. Cancer diagnosis then gone within 8 weeks. Treatment was almost non-existent, he couldn't eat and we had no idea he was actually dying. It's coming up to 3 years and though I've still not processed it, it has got a big easier with time. Good days and bad days. Take each one as they come xx

Grief is an odd beast and no two peoples experience is the same. You will probably find that you may get waves of grief or you may settle into a fairly static feeling of sadness. Nothing is right or wrong.

I lost my dad suddenly this year, the numbness is normal it comes and goes at the beginning I hated the thought that ‘this is it now’ I’m now one of those people who’s lost a parent and have to carry this with me but 6 months on I’m beginning to understand how that works I still think about my dad everyday but the tears always come infact I’ve prob felt all emotions as well as numbness at times. It’s a hard path as every day is different but some form of normality returns and you somehow manage to do life again. Just be kind to yourself and embrace any support offered your not alone xx

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree that you are likely dealing with a form of shock. Dealing with all the emotions that come with losing a parent is huge. It is going to take a lot of time and is likely to be a path that is very up and down.

Having said that, everyone grieves differently so what I would say is to stay open to reacting to and dealing with any feelings as they come up. Don’t hide from them if they do appear.