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Bereavement

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Seeking closure advice

1 reply

Todayistheday25 · 25/01/2025 23:15

My father has recently died and we weren’t close, so I feel a mixture of grief for his passing as well as the grief we didn’t have anywhere near a ‘normal’ relationship and now that chance for me has completely gone (I don’t feel guilty for missing that window - I am sad and angry for how my father did not live up to being a father).

I always expected that there would be some sort of send off / funeral, however I recently found out it wasn’t his wish and now I feel that this is going to be harder for me to find closure (as there’s no opportunity to speak with others who knew him well and see him one last time).

Im taking some time off work to have that space to think about things and come to terms with his passing.

Has anyone been in similar circumstances and have any advice on how to grieve solo with no funeral?

I have a very small family and my fathers friends / relatives live in another country and I am not close to them (I wouldn’t mind speaking to them at a funeral when a lot of people come together, however ‘rounding’ them up or seeking people individually is completely outside of my comfort zone), so advice for me to take as an individual would be appreciated.

Many thanks.

OP posts:
SuperMaybe · 26/01/2025 03:44

It's obviously very normal to have mixed feelings if a close family member dies when you weren't close to them.
Can you just speak to your family or friends about him in a more casual way? I know you mentioned they are far away but can't you phone or message.?

We didn't have a funeral or any meet up when my Dad died but we still chatted about him and continue to from time to time. I know that it's normal to want closure but I question what that means in practice. There isn't going to be a point where you are completely at peace with his death and the fact he wasn't a great Dad. You will get more used to it over time.

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