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Bereavement

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How do I carry on with lif

3 replies

AlhambraQueen · 25/01/2025 06:42

My baby brother comitted suicide after four long years of struggling with his mental health. How do I go on? How do I accept his decision that it was too painful for him to carry on and he would be better off ending his life? He has left his parents, sibling, nieces and cousins bereft. He was so loved. His passing has ended family feuds and reunited cousins.
We just couldn’t make him see it was worth it to keep fighting. He made two other attempts before this. We got him the help he needed for medication and therapy. He was retested for autism and met the criteria as an adult. He felt his school friends had moved on without him and he struggled to make new friends. Covid made everything worse. He has just started college again and actually attending but he told mum he had no friends and made people uncomfortable with his awkwardness. Yet he told me that he had made a new circle of friends. Was it his paranoia? I know there was nothing more we could do for him but it still feels like it wasn’t enough.
How do I carry on with life without him in it? My youngest child won’t remember him.

OP posts:
PickledPurplePickle · 25/01/2025 06:46

I’m so sorry for your loss

Please reframe how you’re thinking. He didn’t commit suicide, he died by suicide. Commit makes it sound like a choice. This probably wasn’t a choice, it’s likely that your brother was very mentally unwell. If he had had a heart attack you would be grieving in a different way.

He didn’t to choose to leave you, he loved you all but his illness beat him x

TheReturnofthePinkPanther · 26/01/2025 01:09

Hi @AlhambraQueen , I'm very sorry for your loss.

My younger brother also died after making a bad decision (to take drugs). I don't think that you ever have to accept the decision - but I think it does help to consider that he did it while he wasn't thinking straight, and it wasn't something that he would have done if he had been in a healthier frame of mind.

Also, one thing that helped me was to think about how siblings share around half of their DNA, and often their appearance and personality traits. So, half of my brother's DNA lives on through me, and we have some similar interests and personality traits - by carrying on, I am keeping part of him alive. The same is true of you and your brother, and part of him will also live on through your children. Even if your youngest child doesn't remember him, maybe he or she will eventually look or behave a bit like him, and that can be a connection to him.

username299 · 26/01/2025 01:47

I'm sorry to hear of your loss💐

You might find Survivors of Bereavement by suicide helpful. They have a helpline staffed by people who have the same experience as well as other support.

Cruse offer free bereavement counselling.

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