Supporting teenage son after suicide

[EyeBetOnSky]

My son’s dad died by suicide just before Christmas and I’m struggling to help him navigate his loss. I’m also trying to process my own grief which has knocked me sideways. I want to fix everything but I know I can’t. I want to fast forward to a less painful time but I can’t. I’ve been sent resources from various support services and counselling is in the pipeline. It just all feels too hard and I don’t know how to help my beautiful boy. Everything I say sounds hollow and meaningless. Any words of wisdom would
be hugely appreciated.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I have not been in your position but I couldn't read and run. I hope that you find some support on this board and among your friends or family. Some potential places to help:

1. Winston's wish support children bereaved by death by suicide winstonswish.org/supporting-you/supporting-a-bereaved-child/suicide-bereavement-support/
2. Papyrus UK
3. CRUSE bereavement support

Has school been helpful? Does your son have a point of contact there to support him now? I hope that you are finding support too x

Just to add, I think that you sound like a wonderfully loving, supportive and kind mother, which is what he needs most right now. My best friend lost her father under the same circumstances and at the same age. What you're saying or doing right now might feel clumsy or inadequate to you but he needs you and it sounds like you're providing him with very good emotional support.

Hi @EyeBetOnSky
My husband died by suicide last August and I have a 7 and 11 year old.
It is so hard - all I want to do is to take away their suffering. I feel for you.
My two haven’t been ready to speak to professionals yet and that’s something that really worries me. However, I’ve been told that children / young people will make it clear when they’re ready for external bereavement support

I’m sure you are doing a wonderful job already. There may be some value in voicing some of your feelings to him as you have done in your post. Ultimately I am sure that your presence at home, making him food, watching tv with him, giving him lifts to friend's etc will be equally important.

I am sorry that this has happened to your child and to you. It has also happened in my family at the same age. After the shock people often get stuck on the Why's? and Was I not worth living for? But this has a long way to play out and grief and coming to terms with suicide will evolve at its own non-linear pace over very many years. Suicide is the hardest grief to bear as it is unexpected and often untimely as the person is young and if the method was violent as with my family member it can lead to PTSD. There is also the taboo of anger with the deceased for making this 'choice' and 'inflicting this pain' especially if there had been previous issues (addiction in our situation). Is your son close to your ILs - as this could help with his coming to terms with grief - it takes a village. Sadly he is not alone but it is brutal for him and you. Talking to others who have walked this tragic path is often a comfort. I am sorry that you lives have turned this corner.