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Bereavement

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Keepsake recommendation

9 replies

forgetmeknot8 · 10/01/2025 13:13

Have NC

My DC8 has gone palliative with a few weeks remaining.
They have primary age siblings.
I would like to arrange keepsakes for them in the weeks we have left (handprints, fingerprints that sort of thing).
Does anyone with experience have any ideas or recommendations please?

Thank you in advance

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/01/2025 13:15

@forgetmeknot8 you can buy the hand kits and do it at home with each and all of your children. lots of pics. album for each child. so sorry. xxx hugs to you and your kids. I did consider locks of hair in lockets and earrings but my dh though it too macabre. buy a couple of the biggest kits you can find on amazon. we even made them on the hospice bed.

AloneAloneAlone0 · 11/01/2025 22:24

I'm so sorry you are facing this situation and wish your child and you peace and calm and as little pain as possible in the period head.

I don't know if this would be appropriate for an 8 year old or whether depending on the stage of palliative care it is even possible but something that I would recommend if you can achieve it is audio recordings or video recordings or both of them saying normal things using the person's name (other siblings, mummy, daddy etc).

I was bereaved and I have a few of these and they mean alot - especially ones saying "I love you [name]". I get much comfort from listening to "goodnight name" or whatever they normally said at night. That said I am an adult so I don't know if that is appropriate for your other children.

I would say it's 100% better if you can get this during normal speaking because its very natural rather than asking someone to say it performatively although that may be better than nothing.

The other thing I would suggest is whatever you do by way of physical keepsakes, make sure you get double back up copies/ spares because you don't want the siblings to feel 'burdened' (Sorry that's the wrong word) if in future they lose or break The One Thing They Have of their sibling. It could be unnecessarily traumatic.

For the future strongly recommend

https://winstonswish.org/

which provides support for bereaved children. It could be worth speaking to them to see if they have suggestions.

If you are looking at hand casting and so on, angel casts is a company that does this:
https://www.angelcasts.co.uk/memorialcasting

Winston's Wish Homepage

Winston’s Wish is the UK’s childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

https://winstonswish.org

forgetmeknot8 · 12/01/2025 14:03

Thank you both for your kind suggestions xx

OP posts:
Beachcomber74 · 12/01/2025 23:41

So sorry you’re going through this. How about a build a bear with the talking heart with the recording Goodnight X that sibling can press & listen to.
Thoughts & prayers with you in these bleak days & challenges ahead xx

LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa · 13/01/2025 02:09

I don't have a suggestion @forgetmeknot8 - I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for you all. What an awful thing to have to face. Sending love to you all.

AloneAloneAlone0 · 13/01/2025 16:12

How about a build a bear with the talking heart with the recording Goodnight X that sibling can press & listen to.

When you are deciding what to do, definitely have one eye on the difference between the future grief and bereavement position of a very young child that is a sibling and your own grief and bereavement (or an adult's grief and bereavement from the perspective of an adult with life experience and greater understanding of death).

I know you will be focussed on other things right now but if you have time or in a break, it really might be worth speaking to Winston's Wish or those specialist in children experiencing bereavement for guidance.

What I would be concerned about is that something tangible (like a bear with a recorded voice) might mean more to an adult than it does to a child and become an unhealthy talisman - that the child feels subconsciously 'pressured' to love - and does not help either child or adult.

I don't know because I am not a specialist in child bereavement but do tread carefully.

The advantage of photograph and videos and voice recordings is that they are 'normal' part of life and how we can really capture a person. They are then there to access or not as a growing sibling wishes to.

A bear with a voice recording in it, if the child is not receptive or doesn't like it, will become a problem for everyone because decisions about what to do with it (throw it away (no!), destroy it (no!) put it in the attic (no!)) will become deeply overlayed with grief emotion.

What may be right for some people may be wrong for others. The same applies to casts of hands/feet - some peope will love them as beautiful, some people will find them creepy. Everyone is different and children have that added vulnerability from a lack of deep understanding.

Quella · 14/01/2025 18:31

I'm so sorry to hear you and your f

Quella · 14/01/2025 18:35

Apologies, I accidentally hit post.

I'm so sorry to hear you and your family are going through this.

I am recently bereaved and have the Co-op dealing with arrangements and noticed they do memory bears for children.

I'm sure there are others that offer a similar service, but just wondered if it may be something to consider?

www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare/memorial-jewellery/memory-bear

My thoughts are with you.

stichguru · 14/01/2025 19:13

Thoughts, prayers, hugs. Can DC do pictures for their siblings? I think doing something creative altogether is good if its possible - like a fun hour painting/handprinting. I like the idea of a memory bear too.

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