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Original poster

Another inheritance one about Executors

30 replies

Needafriend14 · 02/01/2025 14:39

Hi mumsnets

Has anyone been through this.

Myself and my brother are executors of my DM Will.In 2016 my mum gave me a large some of money as a gift.Needless to say he doesn't think the Will is fare and is refusing to complete probate documents to finalise this. Telling untruths to probate with stories that it was a loan. They are neutral and TBH I think they realise it is him who is lying. He even wrote 'I am determined to include this gift into DM estate'. Even saying they are wrong reasoning being it was given less than seven years ago.They have told him on numerous occasions it isn't included but he won't accept this.He even dismissed our claims officer and went to the probate manager of the company!! He's nuts but is also very intimidating

Everything has been declared and he still won't sign, claiming that I have been dishonest (which I haven't) He also thinks probate are the decision makers of this and is confusing them as his legal representatives. He is disclosing untrue stories about us having a conversation with mum about early inheritance basically claiming I'm a fraudster that I manipulated my DM.He has also mislead the other benefices stating I'm ignoring probate and have been dishonest which isn't true.Also other brutal behaviour.

Back story is he never saw mum only on occasions maybe once a year.He is very very well off and says that 'I should claim it was a loan to get off paying tax'. He is also bullying me with statements like 'what will other benefices say'
There is much more to this story but I can't be bothered because it would be too long.

Probate have finally had enough of this saying that if we don't sort it out they will 'wipe their hands off it' This is what I need advice on.Has anyone experienced this? Having their inheritance withheld. Please any advice on what to do next would be much appreciated. I work 12 hour shifts in a very emotional exhausting job and it is effecting my health and wellbeing. I am even feeling guilty that I accepted this gift even though it was DM idea. I was her carer we were very close 'stuck at the hip' I am still in shock and grieving. DM passed away in July 2023 she would be mortified if she knew this was going on. I am considering having bereavement therapy. I am trying to avoid using a professional at the moment as they will be very expensive 10K at least which I cannot afford.

OP posts:
22mumsynet · 02/01/2025 17:57

bugalugs45 · 02/01/2025 16:31

It's very difficult for anyone to say without knowing all the background .
My brother had a lot of money from my
Parents to fund his dream home ( £200k + ) , my dad actually asked me if I minded and I didn't, but it will be reflected in our inheritance, whenever that time comes .
Having said that , it's not written down , it's a gentleman's agreement & I hope to god that my brother and I are never going to fall out about money , we are luckily very close and I trust him and I know neither of us would want to betray our parents wishes , but we could be in the position that you are in years to come .
If it was a gift then it was a gift, however i do think that maybe your mum should have made that clear to him whilst she was alive , it's unfortunate that they didn't have a great relationship in which she could have informed him .
I'm sorry for your loss

This doesn’t have to be a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ your parents can (and should) include a ‘hotpot’ clause in their will to say that the gift to your brother should be taken into account when determining the reside. Or alternatively a £200k gift to you before the residue. Currently This is very open to a disagreement down the line as can be seen from the OP situation. It is easy to avoid by being clear in the Will and they should update their wills to include this to prevent possible future conflict.

BorgQueen · 09/01/2025 13:42

Noodledoodledoo · 02/01/2025 15:14

If it was within 7 years of your mum dying then it should be included as part of the estate but only the number of years remaining in the 7 would be taxed.

I can really see his point, my SIL has done something similar, we are not well off, my MIL was not well off, sadly also only made SIL executor so unless we rock the boat nothing we can do. She received a large sum 5 years ago towards a deposit on a house. SIL has refused to acknowledge that MIL said this would be made even in the will - it hasn't been.

You need legal advice to resolve, as someone else suggested mediation might be better but I would try to look at the bigger picture, how wealthy he is does not come into it.

Taper relief only applies to gifts over £325k.

BorgQueen · 09/01/2025 13:46

Is IHT payable on her estate?
If it is then the gift HAS to be included in the estate figures as it was less than 7 years ago.

BarnacleBeasley · 09/01/2025 14:01

I think the gift has to be included as part of the total value of the estate to assess it for IHT purposes, but, being a gift, does not count as an asset of the estate, i.e. something that your mother still owned at the time of her death. This is why your brother was trying to claim it was a loan, because then it would be an asset to be divided between beneficiaries. If he's actually written 'I am determined to include this gift' that shows he knows it actually is a gift and is trying it on. It sounds like he is confused about the 7 year rule, which is for IHT purposes only.

Candleabra · 09/01/2025 14:02

bugalugs45 · 02/01/2025 16:31

It's very difficult for anyone to say without knowing all the background .
My brother had a lot of money from my
Parents to fund his dream home ( £200k + ) , my dad actually asked me if I minded and I didn't, but it will be reflected in our inheritance, whenever that time comes .
Having said that , it's not written down , it's a gentleman's agreement & I hope to god that my brother and I are never going to fall out about money , we are luckily very close and I trust him and I know neither of us would want to betray our parents wishes , but we could be in the position that you are in years to come .
If it was a gift then it was a gift, however i do think that maybe your mum should have made that clear to him whilst she was alive , it's unfortunate that they didn't have a great relationship in which she could have informed him .
I'm sorry for your loss

I think the lesson learned from this thread is to make sure it IS written down. Wills are so easy to update, your dad should want to do this to spare you and your brother any chance of falling out.

It’s all well and good saying how close you are, but money can affect people in weird ways and you’ve no idea what his financial circumstances will be in the future. He may decide at the time that over 200k is worth sacrificing the relationship for.

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