3 years on, feeling intense guilt

DazedAndConfused321 · 31/12/2024 20:36

If your nan was still here, and you sat across from her and said "Nan, just to let you know, when you pass away I'm going to be sad forever and if I ever manage to feel happiness I'll quash it" do you think she'd approve and thank you, or would she say "don't be silly, be happy"?

She loved you, and her love for you continues every minute she's not with you. Live for her! Be happy for her!

No matter what you believe happens after life, if there's a chance you'll get to see her again- make sure you have something good to tell her about what you did without her. She'd want to know all about the fun days you had, the enjoyable holidays and Christmases etc.

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AvidBee · 31/12/2024 20:52

DazedAndConfused321 · 31/12/2024 20:36

If your nan was still here, and you sat across from her and said "Nan, just to let you know, when you pass away I'm going to be sad forever and if I ever manage to feel happiness I'll quash it" do you think she'd approve and thank you, or would she say "don't be silly, be happy"?

She loved you, and her love for you continues every minute she's not with you. Live for her! Be happy for her!

No matter what you believe happens after life, if there's a chance you'll get to see her again- make sure you have something good to tell her about what you did without her. She'd want to know all about the fun days you had, the enjoyable holidays and Christmases etc.

This has brought tears to my eyes, thank you 🩷 I just feel guilty for not feeling sad anymore, I guess, which I know is stupid

OP posts:

DazedAndConfused321 · 31/12/2024 20:53

Aw bless you. There comes a time where you can remember her with happiness and joy rather than miss her with sadness. Celebrate the time you had with her, and what lives on in you.

You're allowed to let go of that sadness, she'd want you to x

Roysieboy · 31/12/2024 20:54

AvidBee · 31/12/2024 20:27

It's been nearly three years since I lost my nan.

I'm sat here feeling very intense guilt at the fact that I finally feel happy again, I'm feeling really excited and hopeful for 2025. But I also feel guilty for the fact I feel like that, and my nan isn't here to see it and be happy for me.

Is this normal?

It means you’ve accepted it, not that you don’t care .its a good grief journey to acceptance

my husband died two years ago in January and I enjoyed this xmas..and I know he would want me too. He would be happy to see me happy

beetr00 · 31/12/2024 20:54

p e r f e c t response @DazedAndConfused321

Original poster

AvidBee · 31/12/2024 21:01

Roysieboy · 31/12/2024 20:54

It means you’ve accepted it, not that you don’t care .its a good grief journey to acceptance

my husband died two years ago in January and I enjoyed this xmas..and I know he would want me too. He would be happy to see me happy

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I'm sorry for your loss, I'm glad you found happiness over Christmas 🩷

I think Christmas is part of it, I actually enjoyed it this year and now I feel guilty

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DazedAndConfused321 · 31/12/2024 21:12

I guarantee she would be devastated if you'd had another bad christmas, she wouldn't want that for you! I bet she'd be proud as anything knowing you'd managed to find joy at last.

Roysieboy · 31/12/2024 21:31

Oh love

no need to feel guilty..as people have said there is no way your Nan would want you to feel sad at this time of year.

it really dawned on me today, it’s the acceptance that has allowed me to enjoy this year, and that is the last stage of grief..not that it’s ever over but the worst bit done! No doubt to be revisited at odd times.

I know it probably sounds corny, but is because of her you can recover and enjoy. She would have known if all people how precious life is and how you must enjoy all you can.

my husband was amazing and he lives on in me. I feel like he’s with me more than ever. And he loved Christmas, he wouldn’t want me to be blue. I was heading that way and refused all invitations and then changed my mind. Due to this reasoning, so glad I did. It suddenly hit me he wouldn’t want me to be sad on this Christmas Day.

you enjoy..you can have poignant moments but enjoy

Original poster

AvidBee · 31/12/2024 22:04

Roysieboy · 31/12/2024 21:31

Oh love

no need to feel guilty..as people have said there is no way your Nan would want you to feel sad at this time of year.

it really dawned on me today, it’s the acceptance that has allowed me to enjoy this year, and that is the last stage of grief..not that it’s ever over but the worst bit done! No doubt to be revisited at odd times.

I know it probably sounds corny, but is because of her you can recover and enjoy. She would have known if all people how precious life is and how you must enjoy all you can.

my husband was amazing and he lives on in me. I feel like he’s with me more than ever. And he loved Christmas, he wouldn’t want me to be blue. I was heading that way and refused all invitations and then changed my mind. Due to this reasoning, so glad I did. It suddenly hit me he wouldn’t want me to be sad on this Christmas Day.

you enjoy..you can have poignant moments but enjoy

Thank you so much 🩷

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Original poster

AvidBee · 31/12/2024 23:09

I'm just venting now, it's a quiet NYE for me so nothing else to do but think.

I think part of the guilt I feel is I did a lot of things that would have made her very anxious this year. She was a very anxious person, and used to get so nervous about me going off and doing stuff. But I did so much. And next year, I have so much more planned. And I feel bad for planning things, getting excited and doing things she would have been anxious about, or not been happy with.

OP posts:

Roysieboy · 01/01/2025 09:33

AvidBee · 31/12/2024 23:09

I'm just venting now, it's a quiet NYE for me so nothing else to do but think.

I think part of the guilt I feel is I did a lot of things that would have made her very anxious this year. She was a very anxious person, and used to get so nervous about me going off and doing stuff. But I did so much. And next year, I have so much more planned. And I feel bad for planning things, getting excited and doing things she would have been anxious about, or not been happy with.

Ah that sounds like the guilt is tied in with her. Your feeling it cos your going against it perhaps. Your not appeasing her wishes anymore.

a happy new year to you and good luck in all those new endeavours 🥰

Ps. my husband would never approve of my buying expensive waterproof boots because they go into the hundreds..so I never did. But I sorely needed them as I dog walk every day rain or shine. I have ordered some this xmas 💪 thing is all along I knew it was what I needed

Onceuponatimethen · 01/01/2025 09:37

Op sending you lots of support and a virtual un MN hug too if you would like one too. I loved my Gran so much and still miss her so much still even though she died 16 years ago. I often find myself thinking “well you wouldn’t like this Gran!” when I do things and also thinking “she would have loved this!” I thought of her over Christmas too and how she would have loved seeing the kids running around. But time really has helped and it’s good to hear it is helping you too