Is it weird to feel guilty of enjoying things?

[WillimNot]

This year has been a gigantic ball ache and frankly I will be shouting to 2024 to fuck off at midnight tomorrow.

First off, a good friend passed away of cancer, happened very quickly, which we were all thankful for really as her suffering was quite short. But I was gutted.

I then lost my job and with it our home and had to stay with in laws which was awful and stressful.

Just as things started to get back on track, my sister passed away. She took her own life. I hadn't seen her in a number of years-not my choice and was caused by our mother. It got me like a brick and I feel like a huge part of me is missing.

Then, another very close friend died suddenly two weeks before Christmas. It really came as a shock to our mates and DH and I. We have all, as a group, been bereft.

As a result, I love Christmas and New Year but Christmas I felt lost. I felt wrong for having fun.

I now am dreading New Years as it feels wrong to be happy. I know it's stupid. But I do feel a huge level of guilt.

That's a lot for anyone to process. You've been hit by one thing after another. I think of you can feel any joy at all then you're doing well. I'm not at all surprised that Christmas felt 'off' - it would be more unusual for it to feel normal. I do think it's natural to feel guilt at enjoying life after a bereavement. Sorry I can't be more help - just wanted to say sorry it's been such a hard year.

I'm amazed you're still standing after those terrible losses.

It's not at all strange to feel guilty for little pleasures when you're grieving. It's a very complicated time, and I gather from your description of the relationship with your late sister and mother that there is drama to navigate there on top of grief.

As you go through the year ahead you'll experience many ups and downs and all of it will be normal.

I'd advise you strongly to practice kindness and patience to yourself, and to find a grief therapist or even a member of the clergy or grief group to talk to on a regular basis as you work your way through the next twelve months.

Thank you both

I've thrown myself into my new business, which has been so chaotic that I've barely had time to process anything. But Christmas day we only worked for two hours then had friends for dinner and when I was sitting with them in the evening and everyone was laughing and joking, and playing pool, I felt this overwhelming sadness. It was like I was watching from the window at others having fun and I felt so detached, like a punch in the gut.

I guess my sister hurts so much because I had tried to sort it out over time and was rebuffed. I just wish we could've been on better terms.

I agree that some counselling might be a good idea. Be careful of squashing down feelings by keeping very busy - these things have a way of rising to the surface even years later and getting you when you least expect. Better to get help in processing it all sooner rather than later imo. It really has been an awful lot to cope with.
You tried with your sister and that's really all you could do

It is a perfectly normal feeling when.you are grieving. Just go with it. Grief i once read, is like a wave, it retreats and crashes into you when you least expect it. You are still at the very beginning of this process. I'd also add that grief when someone has taken their own life is more complicated, incomprehensible and difficult to deal with. I have found this more difficult to deal with than an.expected death. Wishing you all the best