Losing mum

[MumOf4andTwins]

Does anyone have experience of children losing their mum? Does the age affect them healing? What are the effects on the child’s life prospects etc?

I lost my mum when I was 5. This was in the 80s when no support was available; I was just made to get on with it and nobody ever talked about what had happened. It was as if my mum had never existed.

I became withdrawn, shy, awkward. As a teenager, I jumped in to some bad relationships just to have someone there for me. As an adult I have suffered from bad health anxiety, worrying that every little ache or pain is a sign of something sinister and that I’m about to drop dead. I suffered a breakdown 2 years ago and ended up in hospital. It was only at that point did I realise that my mum’s death (and the way it dealt with) was affecting every little thing. I am totally damaged, more so from the lack of support as I grew up rather than from the death itself. Luckily I have a fantastic counsellor and am learning how to deal with my emotions now.

Recommend this charity which supports both the children and the surviving parent.

https://winstonswish.org/

My mum died when I was 11 (1986) she left a bit of a pickled really- nobody wanted me. Nobody knew who my dad was and everything was very chaotic.
I had to live with the father of my half sister (she was just 2) and I wasn’t wanted.
nobody cared.
so I looked after myself, did pare rounds etc - school were v good in as far as my stepfather let them be.
I didn’t have a bed so slept on the settee for 2 years with what little stuff I was allowed to keep in bin bags.
I was scruffy but I got through school went to college and the first bit of stability I saw I grabbed it which turned out to be a narcissistic alcoholic man who was at that point twice my age.
I was bullied and abused all
this time and had/have 3 sons.
Thankfully he left me many years ago my sons are all grown up and 2 out of the 3 have excellent university degrees in strong professions so they will never be poor like me.
I have now met a remarkable man with a huge family who have embraced me and love me far more than I’ve ever been loved before, I work and I also work voluntary with vulnerable children.
A part of me as always been missing and it’s a jigsaw piece of love in my soul.