Unexpected death

[Notsinkingin]

My MIL died last night. She was only in her early 60s. I can't get my head around it and my heart is breaking for DH and DSIL as well as the 4 young DGC.

How does anyone process losing a loved one so suddenly and unexpectedly?

I’m so sorry, that is such a shock. My DM died a month ago today, she was elderly and it seemed to be time , so not the same as your situation. But I understand your grief and send strength and love. Be kind to yourselves.

Sorry for your loss. Sudden loss is so hard especially at this time of year. My DF died suddenly on Christmas Eve a few years ago when my DC were babies. Just take one day at a time. Also on a practical note, it will take longer to sort everything out due to all the Bank Holidays at this time of year so don't worry, it's perfectly normal. Take care

I'm sorry for your loss. Your MIL was quite young and I'm sure it's a real shock.

Based on my own experience, the only advise I have is that you just get on with it and do what you need to do to deal with it. There's not other choice or way but forward. Obviously your focus will be on supporting your DH and children mostly. It's a long journey but it does get easier over time.

I lost my mum very suddenly, I remember distinctly talking to a friend around a week afterwards and she said, 'ElderSmurf, you know you're still in shock lovie, don't you?' I obviously knew I'd had 'a shock' but didn't think I could still be 'in shock', but she was dead right.

It takes time. Time to process what's happened, time to get out of the shock and into the grief. Time is the only thing that can heal, such a cliche but it's true.

Short term, try to keep eating and hydrating and accept any offers of help that come your way.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for your kind replies and I'm sorry to hear about your losses too. We are just in complete shock, it happened so suddenly and I'm struggling to get to grips with how someone can be here and relatively fine one minute and gone the next. I know this happens a lot but it doesn't make it any easier to accept when it happens to you.

I agree that time is the best healer when it comes to dealing with grief and bereavement, I'm just stunned and deeply saddened at the moment. It feels surreal.

@Notsinkingin
I'm just stunned and deeply saddened at the moment. It feels surreal.

You will do because you are in shock as will your DH but more so as it is his mother.

Your body produces lots of 'numbing' type hormones when you have a shock - it might not feel like it but it is your bodies way of looking after you. It helps you to survive and get through the initial horror of it all. I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely MIL.

There is nothing good about death at all. It's just time and processing.

My MIL died two days ago after a very unexpected & 8 week battle with cancer. By the time she was diagnosed the damage was done.

Just got to take it one day at a time.

My Dad died unexpectedly at the end of 2023. It was a traffic related accident so utterly unexpected. I was in shock for the first few weeks. I don’t remember Christmas 2023 at all and I think it was just because of the shock.

As others have said time helps, but sudden grief is very different to when somebody dies of a more prolonged illness (as my mother did). Just take it day by day.

I have just had an unexpected loss while juggling primary age children and just wanted to say you are not alone and reading this thread has been helpful for me so thank you for starting it. I am doing ok I think but it is going to be very tricky to look after myself while running around after children, housework, garden etc plus all the funeral arrangements.

It's always difficult when a loved one dies unexpectedly and suddenly because you didn't have the time to mentally prepare yourself. One of my best friends and a dear colleague of mine came to work one day and got a telephone call her sister had died on holiday with her two young DD's with her. She had to travel to get the DC home and her sister's body. She acted quickly and we were all stunned by all she did but about a month after the funeral she fell to pieces as it just hit her she wouldn't get a birthday card from her sister ever again.

Sorry for your loss. x

My Df died at a young age unexpectedly in December. I feel numb a lot but the last few days (since we got autopsy result) I can't stop crying.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that must be hard having to wait for the autopsy results. Obviously you don't need to tell us this or any details at all but I wondered whether there was something particular on the autopsy results that you found upsetting or unexpected or more just the process of it. We thought my relative might need one as it was sudden but fortunately not, I can imagine it adds to the distress although maybe also helpful sometimes to have some more information about what happened.
There is no right or wrong way to feel in this sort of situation and it is normal to feel differently at different times along the way. I have been having better days and less good days for no obvious reason.
You are not on your own. Have you got support around you?

Thanks. It's hard because we found out he had heart disease and had blockages causing the death. The hospital believed he had a chest infection. So it's kind of re-opened the last night for me and making me wonder lots of new questions. I have my DH and Dsis who are a great support. I hope you have support also and am sorry for your sudden loss.

I'm glad your family are supportive, that makes a big difference.
I can imagine the autopsy results have raised some questions. The hospital might have a team you could talk to just to talk through what happened to someone with a medical background. Maybe some sort of bereavement team? I think I was offered some sort of debrief after my unexpected emergency c section even though baby and I were luckily ok in the end. Maybe your DH could ask them on your behalf if you don't feel up to it?
Sending you lots of strength. We have the funeral coming up this week.