Preparing for the loss of my Dh

[Hisredipad]

What are the practical steps I need to think about, bank accounts, passwords etc. please help me make a list. I’m sure I read a post a while back but I can’t find it.

my heads in a spin, been expecting it and today got told he’s probably got two months.

So sorry @Hisredipad how truly devastating for you both. I hope you have good support x

I don't this is what you're after and I'm sure someone will be along to share the list you're seeking but I'd just add onto it - be you. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, don't feel any guilt and grieve the best way for you. I'm incredibly sorry you and your husband are having to face this. You'll find strength you never knew you had.

There is a service called Tell us Once. If he has a separate bank account it's easier if he adds you to it. When the time comes order about 5 death certificates because everyone wants one and often they don't return them. Try not to worry about it before Xmas. Make sure you both have a lovely final Xmas together. Time enough in the New Year to get stuff done. Don't be surprised if it happens a little sooner though. My Mum was told she had about 3 months and only got 5 1/2 weeks. If he wants to see anyone make sure he doesn't leave it too late. He has time to let you know if he'd prefer a cremation, Direct cremation or a burial. Use his mobile phone to get numbers of people you need to let know. Make sure you know his pin code because once he's gone a thumb print obviously won't be available to get in.

So sorry Op- I think I’d use the time to find out his wishes-for towards the end and at the end.

There is a thread The Storm Part 3 in the Life Limiting Illness topic, you may wish to join 😕
If your dh hasn’t drawn his work pension (if he has one), check you’ve been nominated as the beneficiary. This caused me lots and lots of stress. Also if you have any life insurance, you may be able to claim it now. I didn’t realise I’d need probate for this.
You’ll be ok if bank accounts are joint. If not, you may also need probate.
Make sure your name is in household bills, get the password to do’s phone if you don’t have it and if you’re able discuss what type of funeral he’d like. Again a big source of stress for me.
So many things I can’t remember now but I kept lists on my phone as there was so much to do.
Really sorry you have received this news so close to Christmas.

Sorry to hear that, I knew someone sho taught his wife how to do all the DIY and house maintenance jobs he used to do so she could do them herself when he passed. I hope you can make the best out of the time you have left together!

Make sure you’ve got a credit card in your name (or where you are the main account holder). Joint bank accounts can be transferred into sole names, but an additional cardholder can’t take over a credit card.

Try and get as much transferred into your name as possible before your DH passes - makes the admin so much easier.

Thank you, yes I am looking for practical information, regarding pensions, his car etc. I screenshot his personal bank account today so I know what’s paid from it, a couple of things in there that I would have easily forgotten like the tag for the car.

emotionally I’ve been through it a couple of times and he’s survived but this time it’s very different. I’m trying to be practical now because I know I’ll just go to pieces, I can’t imagine a life without him but I’ve long had time to know it’s coming and I made myself a plan of things I want to do, one being to buy a small camper van and just disappear off and do ‘the grand tour of the uk’ we’d never got round to.

Car insurance/ownership etc.

Hi OP. I'm sorry to hear about your DH diagnosis. I lost my DH in July, so have recently been through this.

It sounds as though you've already thought of a lot of things. My DH was only 59 so contacted his pension provider and had it paid out. As he had less than 6 months to live they paid the whole amount tax free.

DH made sure I had all his passwords. If there are any utilities or insurances in his name only then it would be a good idea to get these changed to your name now. Get the car log book signed over to you if you plan to keep it. Get it sold now if you don't plan on keeping it.

If he has any subscriptions, arrange for those to end. I kept getting hobby magazines delivered after losing DH and took me ages to find out who the subscription was with and how to cancel.

Go through his bank account(s) thoroughly to identify all direct debits/SO so you're clued up on what he's paying for and what may need cancelling or transferring.

Best wishes to you. A very difficult time for you.

Get as much as you can in your name. I managed to do the whole thing without probate even pensions, main things

all bills in your name
all bank accounts at least in joint names
all user names and passwords

Sorry for you loss, thank you for helping me prepare.

If there is a charity associated with his illness they may very well have specific information on what to expect and how to prepare.

The easiest way to sort bank accounts is to use the current account switch service to transfer his sole account to a new joint account https://www.currentaccountswitch.co.uk/

Make sure the password list includes the logins for his phone and any computer he uses. If you later find that you don't know a password you can find it saved by his browser, but you have to be able to log in to the phone/pc with his login first.

On the non financial side, if you get the chance, make some recordings. I wish I'd done this.

Take some time to be partners as well as patient and carer, or super organiser. And take some time just for yourself. It will be good for both of you.

Sending my very best wishes.

coming back to this post 4 1/2 months after the passing of DH. More as a bookmarker to myself so I can find it again that is a useful tool for anybody else that finds themselves in this sad position. (they say that life gets better Sam says there becomes a new normal, and that there are stages of it, I can resonate with that now but it would’ve been good to know I would transition into that back when the shit hit the fan).
***
I decided to add a link to this website which has a video at the top with a woman called Sam from women’s wealth

I wish I’d watch this video, maybe in the month or so before DH’s death or just after. The interesting thing about this video as it’s made me realise that I did do all the right things pretty much but it would’ve been fairly easy to have missed things, the bereavement support payout from the government I sort of got by Accident and I learnt from this video that you really need to claim it straight away after their passing as there is some time dependency attached to it.

I liked the beer mat example of feeling grief and not being able to see much around you, but that in time clarity around the edges does appear.

https://www.boringmoney.co.uk/learn/articles/bereavement-how-to-navigate-life-after-loss/

I haven’t delved into anything else, but if you find anything useful, please come back and say what because it’s been a tough four months navigating financial uncertainty and although things are a lot clearer now the decisions to make regarding money DH left me, particularly a pension, I worry the brain fog could make me make the wrong decision which would be catastrophic.

Thank you @Hisredipad - I'm also now four months since DH died, getting that good financial advice is so difficult.

I had similar instincts to you and got as much as I could sorted beforehand, the bereavement support payment was (and continues) to be a big help, particularly with kids.

I know that discussing finance with family/friends was seen to be in poor taste somehow, but knowing I had some stability and the bills were going to get paid has made it possible to concentrate on myself and the kids.

if your partner is the policy holder on the car insurance, you will no longer be insured in the event of their death. Immediately I think.