How to support husband.

[CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets]

DH just lost his is nanna a week ago.

He has poor mental health and low resilience anyway and when is grandad died I effectively lost him for 2 years.

I can see him slipping away again and I am really scared.

He is snapping at everyone, shouting at the kids and angry towards me.

I tried to speak to him today and explain how he is behaving and making us all feel (I don't believe grief is an excuse for being a dick to everyone)

I also suggested grief counceling and said that I need him to talk to me about how he is feeling and how I can help.

All he says is I don't know.

I don't know how to deal with this. I lost my own Grandma in April who I was very close too and I havent been through anything like this. I believe she would want me to live and be happy and I have a job and a family and a life that needs to go on.

What can I do to help him snap out of this?

He just yelled at our eldest for no reason whatsoever and his mood is affecting everyone in the house. He's been spoiling for a row all day and so we just had a bit of one because I'm annoyed that he yelled at eldest.

I almost feel like I want him to leave. It's not fair for him to place a dark cloud over all of us for potentially years.

Sorry. That was a bit of a feelings dump.

Bump

I don’t really know what to say but didn’t want to leave you unanswered.

You’ve voiced that his behaviour is effecting you and the children and he needs to be able to realise this isn’t ok, even though he’s grieving.

Book him a doctors appt and go with him. He may need the extra push to get support but all you can do is try.

You shouldn’t be expected to live the next two years like you did the last time he experienced a loss.

Empathy is everything. As is kindness. Not to say you aren’t but remember you aren’t in his shoes.

A gp appointment will help for him and he can get the right help he needs and deserves.
Support for you too as well sounds much needed .

Best of luck and so sorry for the loss in your family.

Thanks for responding. How could the doctors help?

He's already on the highest dose of sertraline he can take and he has a private cannabis prescription.

He can get grief counceling through work.

He went off upstairs after our row and stayed up there untill I called everyone down for dinner and is now ignoring me.

I asked if he was going to speak to me and I got shrugged shoulders.

His reaction is disproportionate and abusive. Two years of hell after a grandparent died?

Sounds like he's using grief as an excuse to be an abusive arse.

I'd ask him to move out.

So, today he seems to have tried to wake up in a better mood.

He's taken eldest to his activity this morning voluntarily.

He is a good man and 99% of the time treats me like royalty and the kids adore him. He is just struggling very badly at the moment.

I feel like such a bitch expecting him to push through for the sake of our children and marriage. He adored his Nanna but you can't let these things destroy you always can you?

Is my approach to grief cold and unfeeling?

He should not be taking it out on those around him - that's not on. If he's feeling rough, encourage him to go for a walk for a bit or take time out some other way.
Call him out every time he's lashing out and hopefully he'll realise that he's dragging everyone down into his grief which isn't fair