To feel so empty

[Ellafent]

Hello, not sure what the point of this post is, maybe to see if others feel the same way and to feel less alone?

My dad died in summer this year. I thought I was coping ok but seem to have been feeling very low over the last few weeks. I keep thinking what is the point of life? Not in the sense of not wanting to be here, but more what is the actual point? I think seeing how frail and thin my dad looked at the end, just made me think what’s the point of it all to just end up like that. I see school friends in their successful careers, and friends having babies and all I can think is what’s the point. I’m in my late twenties so surely life should feel more exciting and I should be looking forward to (hopefully) many more years ahead of me. Instead I feel empty and flat. Over the last few weeks I have found myself distancing myself from friends, not replying to messages, I just can’t be bothered with it all.

Have others felt the same? What helped you get over feeling like this?

Thank you if you’ve got this far

Hi @Ellafent I'm sorry for your loss

I was a couple of years older than you when I lost my dad (pandemic)

I felt lost and disconnected - the first Christmas was pretty hard ime

I understand a lot of what you wrote, I had this feeling apparently it's called disassociation, where there was no meaning in anything. That's slowly faded but it did take time, for me at least.

Is there anything that you can think of that you still find some enjoyment in? Even a small thing, I tried to buy myself flowers every week- they cheer me up and got me outside for a walk.

You aren't alone, I found Mumsnet a bit of a lifeline in the dark days tbh. There was a few posters around who made a big difference although they'll probably never know that they helped, they really did

Sorry for the loss of your Dad. All of the firsts are extremely hard especially Christmas, especially if you had certain things that you did to celebrate. I used to love a beautiful Christmas table and had place cards for everyone, I havent had them since I lost Mum. Be gentle and kind to yourself, dont have any expectations and dont let anyone else have expectations of you either. Grief is a very personal thing and there is no right and wrong way to grieve. Try and eat as well as you can, try and drink plenty of water and try to get good sleep. Shower and get out of the house each day especially if the sun is shining (even winter sun). Try and find something to make you smile as @Coffeebookscarbs said a bunch of flowers, listen to music you love, buy and wear some nice perfume or body spray, buy a treat to eat. Do some mindfulness, breathing exercises, listen to a podcast, blow a pot of bubbles. If you find yourself still struggling, please speak to your GP or Cruse helpline or perhaps consider a private therapist if this is an option. Take very good care of yourself

@Diversion @Coffeebookscarbs thank you both and I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. Yes, I’m wondering if Christmas is triggering me… everyone keeps asking what I'm doing for Christmas and I’m finding it hard to even think about. I think because we were such a small family growing up (me, mum and dad) it will be so obvious that there is a place missing at the dinner table. Luckily I have my lovely husband and my wonderful mum.

I also feel very teary, tears just seem to leak from me every time I speak about Dad. I miss him so much and would do anything to go back to this time last year, looking forward to Christmas with my small but intact family 😢

Ah that is so touching I know the pain of losing a loved parent is so powerful. I hope that you and your mum and husband find some ways to remember your dad this Christmas. Talking about some of the things he did or said or enjoyed x

I have a bauble of a robin (robins appear when lost loved ones are near, is the saying) and that's the place I'vd got to, a few years down the line. I can remember the good times now, and it's painful but tolerable - I'm hoping that gives you some light at the end of this particular tunnel.
Firsts are hardest. First father's day, first Christmas.

I remember just abandoning my shopping trolley when a particular Xmas song came on in Sainsbury's, I just had to get out of there. Now I understand looking back, where I was at that point, but nothing prepares you for those random things that catch you off guard.

What you wrote makes complete sense and was very moving.

There is a lot of wisdom and comfort on these boards, it's a quiet and supportive corner of Mumsnet (thankfully) - you aren't alone, it can be a space for healing/ venting/ all of it x