Advice on what to send/write to young widowed mum?

[Piffy]

Have just heard an old friend has died unexpectedly, leaving wife and two young girls. I wanted to send a card and a gift, but flowers will die too... I can't really offer to help with childcare, food etc as I live too far away, but is there anything else i could offer that would not be trite?

I simply don't know how I would cope with such a thing and I don't know what to write at all...

Send her your love. Offer to pay her a visit so she can have a shoulder to cry on. When some time has passed have her to stay/visit you. There isn't anything to say but she will appreciate your concern - particularly if you can make time for her.

I would write down a few memories / anecodotes about your friend to send to her and say what he meant to you. In that position I think I would get some comfort from thinking that my OH was loved & liked by others. Do you have any photos of him that she might not have seen?

Some useful advice here lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,2136317,00.html

Piffy, Just sending a card or letter saying that you are thinking of them is so touching to receive. They must be the hardest to write, but to receive them it is comforting to know that people care and are thinking of you at such a difficult time.

You will find some words to write, it won't be easy, but even a few well chosen words will be enough.

I would also suggest sending cards etc on a regular basis. After the funeral has happened and the shock hits home, and everybody returns to normal-that is the worst time.

Carry on staying in touch-she will need your support for months, mabye the next few years.

lullabelle: "This is an edited extract from Caroline Doughty's If There's Anything I Can Do ... How to Help Someone Who Has Been Bereaved, which is published by White Ladder Press on August 6 at £7.99."