I don't know how long to take off work.

[PermanentTemporary]

Should be easy - either I'm.fit for work or I'm not. But I can't work it out.

My mother in law died after years of decline. There'll be the funeral. My father in law is terminally ill. My mum is very frail and in a nursing home at 90. My partners' parents have both started falling over.

I feel if I take more than a day, I might ne er go back to work. I might drown. It's six years since dh died and it's bringing it all back.

Take as long as you can, I went back too early because I thought I was ok.

Sending support

Are you able to get signed off for a few weeks until after the funeral? It might help get your head together.

Trying to work through grief and bereavement can often backfire in my experience, so I would say take the time needed and be with your family/have a break. It sounds like you are the kind of dedicated staff member who wouldn't take time off unless needed.

Thank you both.

I'm thinking I'll work today and see how it goes. There's some extra value to today as it's the weekly meeting. Can't quite imagine seeing patients like this, they need me to be in decent shape. Typically though I feel fine when actually with a patient and struggle afterwards. Maybe I'll just talk it through with my boss.

And on the other hand, work can be a relief, somewhere you can escape some of what's going on for some of the time.
If you aren't at work ( for how long?) might you end up being a full-time carer? The only one of these that you are responsible for is your Mum, who is in a home and who is therefore being looked after, but there are several other people here who might be looking to you for help.
I don't know how close you are to your in-laws , but in many work places you wouldn't normally expect to get more than a day or 2 off for an in-laws death, though you might gt sick leave.
Will you get paid if you take longer? Does that matter? If you take a week or so off to deal with the stress of your DH's death resurfacing, do you think that will help you feel stronger and more able to deal what's coming? Have you DC to consider?
If you have the kind of job where you can take paid leave for this, then consider it. What would you do.. sleep, look after FiL...
It sounds a lot to be dealing with, I think a lot of us would just want to stay under the covers for a few weeks.

My DH went into hospice unexpectedly last winter. He spent 2 weeks in hospital; during those 2 weeks I missed most days, and about 2 weeks in hospice; I missed fewer days then but suddenly I had to go ...

My approach was going in to work when I felt I could since there would be other times when I didn't feel able (needing a MH day) or had a bereavement commitment (appointment/meeting/service/kids too freaked out) which meant I couldn't go in to work. Colleagues were very understanding if I suddenly had to leave mid-day.

My issue now is that I am now a single parent so must play all roles. That means I need more time off b/c e.g. I am the only one who can go to appointments with DD2. And the grief goes on. If anything it's stronger now as we move through the year. DH loved a good fireworks show and made a genuine effort (much more than date nights for sure) to go to one.