I’m sorry in advance for the long post. I just feel so overwhelmed and lonely, I need to get it off my chest.
My mother passed away suddenly 5 months ago, she was 62 and was well up until an undiagnosed leg DVT traveled to her lung one day while she was in town.
She was out shopping and suddenly felt a pain in her chest and was breathless and lightheaded. She sat down on a bench and called me. Within 10 minutes I had met her and we went to A&E where they did tests and diagnosed a PE (pulmonary embolism). It was quite large and so a fast acting clot busting drug was advised, it was administered in A&E that evening and she was transferred to a ward in the early hours for observation with 24 hours strict bed rest due to bleed risk and to continue treatment with more blood thinners.
I phoned the ward mid morning for an update and was told that my mother was fine and to just come back over to the hospital for normal visiting time.
On arrival at 2pm we found my mother sat in the chair beside her bed, she hadn’t been in the bed at all and wasn’t being monitored. She was being sick and was drowsy. We questioned straight away and were told that the doctor had said that she should be mobile and that they had no concerns. We asked to speak to a doctor and were told they would be around to speak to us soon. Hours passed, we kept asking and waiting to see a doctor, but nurses kept saying everything was fine and the doctor would see us soon. Afternoon visiting ended at 4pm, we stayed until nearly 5pm hoping to see the doctor but were firmly told to leave and come back at 6pm for evening visiting, so not wanting to upset staff and be removed we went for a coffee and waited in the hospital foyer until 6pm.
On arriving back on the ward I found my mother’s condition was still very poor. We hadn’t been able to hold a conversation with her since arriving at 2pm, she had become barely conscious and she still hadn’t been seen by a doctor. Nurses still maintained that she was fine and they had no concerns despite family continuing to ask for help and to see a doctor.
My mother went into a self induced coma around 9pm that evening and passed away. A doctor finally arrived after she had a seizure and an emergency call was made, but it was too late. A CT scan showed that she had bleeding in her brain which had caused irreversible damage.
I feel so responsible for what happened. My mother was so strong and always stood up for the underdog and for what was right. She was a thoughtful and caring mother who did so much for me, she was my best friend, but the one time she needed me to stand up for her I failed. We put her into bed that afternoon and put her on the monitoring system, which was flagging issues, but that didn’t matter either. The staff just shut off alarms and said she was fine. I feel like I allowed them to gaslight me. I didn’t push hard enough, I didn’t fight and cause a fuss for fear of being thrown out and now my mother is gone. I don’t know how to go on living with what happened.