Everyone Disappears When Someone Dies

[NoisyDenimShaker]

Do you find this? I've lost both parents and people I was really close to just vanished. My best friend didn't want to know after my mum died, and after my dad died years later, I thought his partner and I would see each other, have some meals, and reminisce about my dad. In fact, I barely saw her after he passed. After both deaths I was left very much alone, having previously had good relationships with the people in question.

It's just odd.

Same here, I just assumed some people got really awkward about death.

Many didn't know what to say, and to be fair I was the first in the friendship group who had parents die - so it was outside their experience. It also hasn't made sibling/wider family relationships closer.

I'm alot more selective with my relationships now and who I choose to spend time with, it did really shine a light on those who did offer a kind word and it was from some very unexpected places.

I think it's more when you go through something tough it shows friends up for how good of a friend they actually are or how crap a friend they are 🤔

Having lost one of my oldest closest friends at 4/ last year I can vouch for who supports you and who largely ignores it. Same for any major life trauma I think. Makes the relationships that come to the fore even more precious

Yep. Mum's suicide, a couple of months ago. Many family members didn't even send a text of condolences, let alone call, send card or attend funeral. Of those who did contact/attend funeral, I've heard little (mostly nothing) since then.

DP told his two closest friends after it happened, as he was very shocked and upset. They said nothing, and haven't been in contact since.

Yes, there has been some surprising kindness from a couple of people I didn't expect. And that's lovely. But doesn't make up for the absolute fucking hurt caused by others, who I expected to care.

Yes. Lost DH earlier this year, hardly seen or heard from anyone since, apart from one friend who still messages nearly every week.
I’d supported two friends through the loss of a parent & a sibling, yet they stopped messaging a couple of weeks after his death.

It is odd.

And true.

Death is very much a taboo in our society.

I'm so sorry for your loss @amlie8 and @SoSadForPoorDH - it's horrible when such a life changing event is just seemingly ignored by some.

Yes, I’ve experienced the same after losing my mum. Some people have been good friends and kept in touch but others I thought would be there to support have just disappeared. I’m sorry for your loss.

This is so true.
I have a few friends who have stuck by me following my sons death by suicide this summer but so many have disappeared- including my own daughter who says she will not see or speak to me until I agree to family counselling. I will go of course (although I thought we were fine as a family) but I am in no shape to do so at the moment as I’m still reeling from shock and grief. She’s a 50 year old professional with no children

@bereavedandsad that's so sad and I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Please accept a huge hug from me. I hope you are able to reconcile with your daughter x

Hope you managed to go to family counselling 💐

I think it reminds people of their own mortality and also they don't know what to say.

Nobody close to me has suffered a terrible loss (yet) but I must admit I struggle with acquaintances. I remember when I went to a colleagues house after she had lost her DH very suddenly, on the way up to her front door I was thinking about what I should say “I’m so sorry for your loss” etc. but when she opened the door I stupidly said “oh Liz, are you alright?” And she looked at me dumbfounded and said “erm obviously not?”. I felt terrible, just seeing her so upset answering the door made me completely forget what to say and I felt so stupid. So sometimes I think people find it easier to avoid the situation! Although I’m hoping I’ve learnt from that and I will try to be more mindful in the future. You just don’t want to make things worse for them by saying stupid things.