Lots of 'firsts' are coming up since mum died

[selly90]

My mum died in July. She was 70, I'm 35.
She had cancer and died within 6 months of diagnosis. She went from healthy and fit to a shell in such a short period of time.

There are so many milestones coming up that honestly I'm dreading. Her birthday, my son's birthday, my birthday, Christmas.
As silly as it sounds, even Halloween as my mum always loved the kids coming round trick or treating and would have sweets and make games like Apple bobbing.

My dad is struggling so much without her. I'm trying to support him where I can. I also have 2 young children and a DH. I'm an only child so no siblings.

I'm not sure what exactly the point of this is other than to write it down and wonder how can I get through these "firsts" and how do you ever get over losing your mum.
I'm not sure I'll ever come to terms with it. I miss her everyday. Sorry to everyone out there who has experienced loss.

@Awrite Dad wasnt Scottish but loved watching Hogmanay He always used to watch it when BBC1 used to broadcast it.
He said "the Scots know how to do New Year

Sorry for your loss, my dad crossed over last month my mum misses him terribly. Is there a grief group your dad could join?

I'm a spritulist, so I belive in life after death. I know I'll see him again.

I have his comic collection and novels he owned as a child, I literally cried over these.

The pain will get better over time. Your mother is being healed, there are other female spirits helping her.

I now have the horror of sorting out my dad's clothes, I can't bring myself to do it yet.

Hugs from me xx

Oh it's so hard isn't it. My mum died 4 weeks ago. She had a heart attack and was just gone overnight, no warning signs.

It was my dd's birthday 3 days after mum died. We made the best of it and when I look at the photos now I have no memory of it. I was in complete shock I think.

I'm also dreading Christmas...sorry I have nothing useful to add.

I'm dreading Christmas too, and 9 April which is my dad's birthday.

So much love and support on this thread.
Thank you all for the kind words and sorry so many share in this same situation with the loss of a loved one.

Just can't get excited for Christmas this year at all, but I will have to power through for the sake of my children. They give me strength but just won't be the same without mum. She loved Christmas and made my childhood Christmas's so special.
I try and pass those special simple moments I enjoyed with my mum as a child onto my own children like writing Christmas cards, making paper chains and baking mince pies.

Everyone's kind words and sharing of stories helps me feel less alone. Thank you.

@selly90 you are so young to lose your mum 😪 and 70 is no age.

I'm in my 50s and my my mum was late 70s and I thought she had at least another 10 years...and so did she!

I want to spend this Christmas in my mum's house as that's what we did every year. But not sure I can do it without her there.

Op I'm sorry for your loss. When my mum passed and it got to the firsts, i lit a candle for her. Wished her happy birthday/Christmas/ whatever the event was and had a good cry. Sending the biggest of hugs x

Oh it’s just grim. What I have found with grief is you never know. A milestone can not feel too bad, then something else randomly hits you. I think just take it easy and make yourself busy if it helps. Sending hugs xx

Same here. I loved buying my Mum gifts as she was happy with anything 😅 it really won't be the same without her. I saw the "Mum" Christmas cards yesterday in the shops and that nearly set me off. Even though I probably wouldn't have even bought one!

A big virtual hug to you OP.

My Mum died earlier this year also 70 and in a very similar timescale. Unfortunately her diagnosis/treatment came later than it should due to the strikes last summer and I'm honestly finding it very hard to get past... lots of 'if onlys'.

I don't really know how I've got through the last few months and looking ahead doesn't feel to rosy either.

Wish I had some more helpful advice but really I came here looking for it myself. I just want to stay in bed and binge watch box sets but instead I get up, go to work and look after my family and wait for it all to feel a bit easier.

Sorry to all who have lost their mums
I remember the first card off my dad after she passed dressed it saying love dad but made worse was signed off him and his new GF who he'd met so fast after my mums passing, it knocked me sick. Safe to say after a whole list of other awful selfish behaviours I am now NC

I lost my partner 9 years ago & my dad 5 years ago. I found the anniversaries after the first year harder because everyone expects you to be back to normal after the first year is over.

@selly90 I’m so sorry for your loss, it is hard, I lost my dad 10 years ago and my brother 4 years ago, I think about them every single day.

The firsts are always hard and in times when I’ve been really sad over their passing, I always wonder “what would dad say/do”

I think my grief will always be there, life just moves around it xx

I'm sitting here in floods reading everyone's memories and facing of the "firsts". Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses here. My mum died suddenly in March this year, I was an 8 hour flight away with work at the time and I didn't get back in time before she was gone. My poor brother's phone call that night is still the biggest shock of my life. My birthday and my elder son's birthday have both passed in a kind of haze since then, but it is what would have been mum's birthday tomorrow. I am visiting my dad with my kids this week so I will be able to visit her grave and take the birthday card I know she would have liked. Soon it's my dad's birthday and then it will be Christmas, which is definitely looming, just like a sledgehammer as someone said in another post. I am just going through the motions for my kids and because I don't know what else to do, but nothing is the same any more and I guess it never will be.
Wishing everyone strength to pass all these firsts in whatever ways feel survivable.