Worried by reaction to grief - Fake colds

[Marshmallowandchocolate]

My lovely Mum is dying and I keep getting strange ‘fake’ colds and allergies. My Dad died last year both fairly young. My Mum has a rare form of cancer and I’m petrified it was due to grief of losing my Dad and I will get it next.

In the meantime I have these terrible ‘fake colds’ that come for a day and then go. Sneezing, sore throat, eyes etc. Last night I woke up as I fear twice I couldn’t breathe.

I have hardly cried with my Mum as she’s still alive but I’m worried about 1) my lack of grief and being heartless, and 2) I’m going to get seriously ill and die too.

Be grateful for any advice.

Sorry about grammar - writing this on my phone xx

Stress, anxiety and fear can cause a histamine response (cold like symptoms for example)

The breathing issue you mention is, imo, a panic attack

Sending you love ❤️

Thank you x

Grief doesn't cause cancer. You can relax about that.

Grief and stress can do crazy things though. Try be kind to yourself. Eat well and get fresh air.

Thanks @turkeymuffin - it’s very strange feeling as I’m trying to be so positive for my Mum’s sake but I think my body is doing some weird things x

Oh bless you lass, you're having a tough time of it.

Grief doesn't cause cancer, but you know that really - you're anxious, bewildered, sad and distressed and so your mind is looking for patterns and 'solutions'. It's doing this to make you feel safe, ironically.

Waking up not being able to breathe sounds like panic attacks to me too. The colds thing could be stress or you could be having an straightforward allergic reaction to something. Or your immune system might be low, when my DB was dying I got all sorts of illnesses and I'm usually strong as a horse. Put it down to stress, immune system, the sheer bloody heat of hospitals!

Be gentle with yourself.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

I lost my mum and dad very close together, both to cancer and both too young.

In the two years following their deaths, I visited my GP more times than I had in the 20 years prior. I was constantly suffering low-level vague symptoms. I had problems with my sinuses, my digestive system, my skin. I often had a ‘cotton wool head’ feeling, like I wasn’t quite ‘there’.

Looking back, it was grief making me ill. I was so run down and so focused on just surviving my mental anguish, it’s like my body had no resources left to fight infections. I also developed health anxiety (understandably, because both very fit and healthy parents had succumbed to cancer). So some of my ‘symptoms’ were exaggerated in my mind.

Luckily I saw some lovely GPs during that time who were very patient and explained that grief and stress were likely behind many of my ailments, but encouraged me to check things when I needed to. (ie, when you get a symptom, get it checked rather than automatically assuming ‘it’s just the grief’).

Look after yourself as best you can OP. Get enough sleep, good nutrition, go easy on booze if you do drink alcohol.

Sending you my best wishes and strength to get you through this storm. 💐

As for ‘lack of grief’…I wouldn’t worry about this. You have already been through a bereavement very recently. Chances are you are quite numb and your brain is protecting you from falling apart altogether. I lost my mum and dad so close together that all the grief merged into one and then there were times I felt numb/nothing. I think what you’re feeling sounds very normal. But do get any physical symptoms checked too.

Thank you @Waitingfordoggo and @HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf

I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your loved ones.

I know I’m suffering with health anxiety too, luckily not too bad at present but it was a few months back.

I’m actually doing OK re the alcohol - I almost have stopped drinking as seeing people on the wards has put me off (I’m definitely not saying drinking put people there, but drinking will lower my risk). I’m trying to eat healthier too. I’m by no means perfect as my ability to cook at present, is limited from a time perspective, but I’m just trying to add a bit more fruit and veg to the diet. Luckily my husband is cooking me a lot of fish and chicken with steamed vegetables.