Dad passed away a year ago, mental health is very low, I can't afford help.

[mam1998]

Next month will be a whole a year since my dad passed away. I am really struggling with it, for a couple of months it has been feeling like it's has just recently happened all over again and I've been crying how I did when I last left him at the hospital when he died.

Missing him I think is beginning to affect my mental health and I'm gradually finding myself sinking into a depression. I really struggle to find comfort in our memories and remembering the lovely things about him because it breaks my heart every-time.

maybe this is how it goes for most when its coming up to their first memorial of losing a parent but it doesn't feel normal to still get this over whelmed a year later as though it happened yesterday... I spoke to my friend who has also lost a parent many years ago now and she said this feeling never goes and the pain of it always sits on the surface with us... and that it doesn't get "easier" you just live with it. is this true? I worry I'll always miss him too intensely to ever be fully happy again. I was 25 losing him so knowing the length of life left without him gets to me because my son who is turning 3 wont ever get to know him and all my sons "firsts" remind me how my dad would love to hear and see about this but he will miss all of it..

i googled looking for grievance councillors local to me and none are affordable it costs so much money to actually reach out for help but I feel like i really might need help cause i feel like I'm on a slippy slope with my mental health i don't know what to do as there is no way to seek professional help within cost. nhs waiting list is so so long and currently lacking in mental health care due to staffing and funding. and I understand now more than ever how people get to such a breaking point on their own...

I'm sorry for your loss💐

Cruse offer free bereavement counselling.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/

I'm sorry for your loss. I've not long lost my Dad tok so know exactly how you feel. Have you spoken to you GP about how you're feeling?

Hi there
sorry for the loss of your lovely father. I know just how you are feeling. I was just the same after the loss of my mother.

I would too recommend grief counselling. I had grief counselling through Cruse that was free. It really helped me. Also worth googling for local grief support in your local area as it is something that many charities support.

If you work, also see if your work offers any kind of mental health support for bereavement but I get that you may not want to tell your work about your grief.

The second year is harder than the first in some ways I think. The first year is terrible but shock gets you through much of it I think. The second year I found worse because I started to come out of shock and start to come to terms with the awfulness of 'well it's not just this birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day that she won't be here. It's forever.' Sorry if that sounds awful because it is - but I am telling you so that you know it is very normal to feel this way.

I started to feel less depressed about it about 2 years later but still get dark days. I think its about just getting used to the pain and being able to live with it rather than getting over it.

I can't pretend I'm fine though as I'm scared now of losing my other parent...

How you're feeling is natural in the lead up to he first anniversary. Especially given the circumstances of your loss. It's your brain processing things, making sense of them and releasing emotions you may not have been able to bear in the early days when you were still in shock.

Just to try and give you some hope - I was young when my mum died and I had some similar feelings and reactions to you. I'm twenty years on and whilst it sometimes does still hurt and I agree that you don't "get over" it, most of the time I feel able to cope and to carry my connection to my mum through my life. Over time it changes into something bearable.

Your relationship with someone doesn't end when they die. Whilst it's obviously not the same anymore, you can still maintain your connection with your dad and find ways to keep him close to you as you go through your life. It doesn't have to feel like you're completely leaving him behind. Grief counselling might help you explore that.

And from a practical viewpoint, Sue Ryder offer online video grief counselling if you cannot access anything through Cruse where you are.

https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/online-bereavement-support/online-bereavement-counselling/

Some excellent resources on here OP. So sorry about your dad. One year is nothing.

Also, this page has some information about how grief changes over time that I found helpful with more recent losses:

https://www.sueryder.org/grief-support/about-bereavement-and-grief/how-long-does-grief-last/

Hi my dad passed a year ago today and I’m struggling so bad I can’t stop crying. I think about him all the time I cry every night and when I’m on my own. I’m not copying i miss him so much it hurts

@Kiirsty I'm so sorry you're struggling. The first anniversary can be absolutely brutal. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can. Pain is like waves in a storm, it peaks and falls because your body cannot sustain continuous pain. Try and notice the waves as it might make it feel more bearable.

Sending you kindness 💐

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Marie Curie have a bereavement support service that might be worth considering. https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/services/bereavement-support-service

You can always phone Samaritans if you need someone who will listen without judgement whatever time of day or night. They're not just for people feeling suicidal but anyone distressed. Their number is 116 123