Anyone had this feeling?

[Whatsthepoint88]

So my husband passed away just over a month ago. Im 35 yrs old and our son is 3 months old so I'm now a single parent. Ive heard from people before that when someone close to them dies they get this sort of "grab life by the bull horns" type thing where they want to do so much because they are grateful to still be alive and realise how fragile life is ect so they get a thirst for life. So my question is why do I feel like I am living in a mental prison with no release date? He was my best friend, my soul mate and now our future has been snatched away. Worked his backside off from the moment he left school and worried so much about building a happy life, finally got it together in his 40s and then taken from us just like that. I just sometimes don't see a point to anything any more my son is literally the only reason I am still on this earth. When do you get this thirst for life back? I just can't see it happening

I’m so very sorry for yours and your son’s loss. I’m very lucky not to have ever been in your situation and I’m sorry but I can’t offer you advice but I didn’t want to just scroll by. Perhaps it would help to talk to Cruse. Sending you a hand hold. X
https://www.cruse.org.uk

I have never heard of the grab life by the horns after a bereavement. Possibly after a health scare. You are so very recently bereaved and you are also a new mother. You are in shock. I remember being absolutely wiped out by grief. It will take time.

I found this helpful:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=5wVLDHUc5ic

You are on autopilot OP. Trying to look like you are coping. NOTHING about grief is normal, nor abnormal, nor rational. Everyone deals with it differently.
So sorry for your loss. I hope your lovely son brings you some light and hope.

I’m so sorry.

I don’t know what it’s like to lose a partner but when my mum died last year it took me much more than a month to feel grateful for anything. I was devastated and furious, and also exhausted - and I didn’t have a small baby to cope with.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there is no one way or right way to react to the death of someone you love, and just because somebody else feels something it doesn’t mean you will. You’re still reeling. Give yourself time and don’t tell yourself how you ‘ought’ to feel. And when you’re ready, talking to people who understand does help.

Pure shock when my parents were killed together rta, in their 80s.
its very different for you, not that I have any experience, I hope you have family, who can help, and friends .
Hoping you get some joy from your son, take care xx

Ok I almost cried, life can be so cruel. The best one always go first.
I watched my father slowly and painfully die for 6 months & he eventually couldn't fight anymore. He was my best friend, my only parent. I know it's not the same as losing a life partner but I do understand.
It feels like a big chunk has been taken from you, it's a physical pain. My mind hasn't accepted that he's gone. I'm dreading Christmas because it's the first one without him.

There's nothing I can say to make you feel better, other than it will get easier. Hold on for your baby. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Xxx

OP, as tired as the cliche is, the only thing that will help is time. You are in the depths of grieve, nothing looks right and there doesn't seem to be a way out.
Get all the help and support you can from everyone around you for now.

It will get better, and I can assure there will be times when you feel guilty that you are slowly coping. Don't.

Sending you a huge cyber hug. You are doing just fine, you are grieving and a new mum. I think 'grabbing life' is not where you will be for a good while. Be patient with yourself, you will get through this, with lots of wobbles along the way, as your dear husband would want you to.

Oh darling I'm so sorry.

I think I've heard people say that phrase when they hear about "other" people who have died. Certainly nobody I know has said it when they've lost a spouse, child or parent.

You are still reeling from the shock. I'm so sorry, the road ahead is long and you certainly do not have to grab life by the horns. You just need to take each day minute to minute and hour to hour.

There are some excellent people on Mumsnet who have been where you are now, and you'll always find a listening ear any time of the day or night.

Sending you love and peace xx

The shock takes some time for your body to adjust to, let alone your mind.

Even getting up in the morning is an acheivement, so don't put pressure on yourself. I'd say losing my baby (stillbirth) took me at least 2/3 years to feel remotely normal after. I'm about 18 months after losing my Dad and I've just sat and sobbed tonight because I can't get my bedroom radiator to work and went to ring him, only to remember he's not there to ask.

It'll get better, but time isn't on your side here. It takes as long as it takes

It’s different for everyone and you’ll feel different things at different times, for the rest of your life. But it’s very early days. Cruse is an excellent recommendation. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this grief.

Everyone deals with it differently, what you’re feeling isn’t wrong, the thing is to try not to let the grief overwhelm you. You will have good days and bad days but one day you will realise you are looking at things in a positive light.

I remember when my first husband died, my son was 3, and I was so upset when he started pre school, I couldn’t get passed that he wasn’t there to see it. But then at the Christmas show the following year I thought his daddy would have been so proud, and I could smile.

take each day at a time, and don’t question your feelings just go with them. I found it helped to plan days a bit, otherwise I found on a bad day I would sit and cry. Just have a goal to achieve at the end of each day. It does get easier, and you will cope, and you will be happy again. You just need to believe it

Hi OP, sorry for your loss. I'm two months on from the death of my DH and I thought his death was bad enough at age 59, but 40s with a young family is just awful.

I haven't got the "thirst for life" feeling either. I'm just plodding on, trying to wade through the death admin. I get up, do a couple of bits, and then lose all motivation, often going to bed for a nap or just sitting on the sofa scrolling or staring into space. I feel like I need to get a grip, but I just can't be bothered at present. It's still early days though (even more so for you) so I'm hoping I'll snap out of it soon and will start to enjoy things again. As they say, we don't get over our grief, we find a way through it and learn to live with it.

Take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself. I've found talking to the counselling team at the hospice has helped me, and it allows me to let out my thoughts (and tears and anger) in confidence. If you think it would be beneficial, there are lots of other bereavement charities out there who understand and will listen if you need to talk/cry/vent.

So sorry for your loss.
I lost an aunt i was close to and a best friend recently and i did get the thirst for life feeling after both but certainly not straight away, you need time to process the grief first , a month is no time at all.

I'm so very sorry for your sad loss

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost DH just over two years ago, I didn't experience the grab life by the horns thing, I spent my days just trying to get through them not really caring if I got hit by a bus. I remember the feelings of just getting through each day until it was my time, I still feel sad at all the things he's missed out on, I still feel robbed of what I thought my future held. It is getting easier to bear, talking has helped, I have just started counselling for the second time and it is helping this time.

My husband died in March so I understand that feeling of utter grief. However I hadn’t got a new baby and I realise that makes an enormous difference. What I have found is that I don’t cry all the time, but when I do it’s usually when something silly goes wrong. It’s best to just go along with it and cry. Don’t try to stop it (even when it’s in public, as happened to me). I’m now attending a very useful 7 week course which is held at the local church but is not a church thing if you know what I mean. The support and friendship offered by the other attendees and the volunteers has been amazing, and when I found myself crying there, it felt safe. If you want to find out about it, it’s called’The bereavement Journey’
I will be thinking of you.