Sick, tired and drained from grief 6 months on

[sleeptight1]

My Mum died suddenly in April. She was 72 so not really old nor really young. But I was so close to her. I had been doing really well but over the last week or so it was hit my like a ton of bricks again.

I just feel so sad and no motivation for anything. My main aim when I get home from work if to get dinner done asap so I can just lay on my bed until it is time to start another day. I have no interest in the future. I'm 47 and just feel that all I have to look forward to is the death of my dog, death of my Dad before its my turn. Life just feels like one big con.

I remember feeling young and the world was my oyster, wanting children etc.It feels like one big cycle and I want to get off.

Hugs to everyone going through a loss. My loss happened in the natural order, I can;t imagine what it must be like to lose a child. Life still feels pointless though.

My dad died when he was 46, 17 years on I still ache for him. Or perhaps I’m grieving what could have been, he missed my wedding and meeting all his grandchildren. They missed out on a loving and fun Grandfather. I feel sad my DH never knew him.

Alongside the loss it’s the loss of what could have been. Big hugs OP. Don’t force yourself it will all take time.

Op I'm sorry for your loss. Grief is difficult to navigate, some days you are okay the next its really present again. Can't offer any wise words but you get through it one day at a time. Sending hugs 🫂 💐 🙏 ❤️

I can't say anything else than I feel the same way you've described.

My mum died last September with a very aggressive 3 month cancer.

Sometimes all I can do is exactly what you say. Just about eat something. Can never wait for bed it's like a soothing feeling lying down.

I have had times where there's been less grief.

I'm so sorry you lost your mum.
I truly wish I could say something really helpful but in a way I'm very grateful to you for sharing.
We are alone in our situations but not totally lone in our experience and feelings.

Xxxxxx 🫂

I relate to this too I don’t have children and I feel like the rest of my life is just going to be one series of goodbyes to the dwindling number of people who really mean anything to me . My dad was such a part of my life and 5 months on it’s the realisation that no one else will care or ever care that much about the minutiae of my boring life . Something happens in the family circle he’s still the one person I want to message .
it’s strange as some days are more bearable than others but particularly before AF it really really hits . There’s no one now because 5 months have passed that I want to inflict all this grief on so I just have this zombie persona I put on for everyone but you’re right it’s draining and tiring .
Thinking of everyone else in this sad position at the moment .

This is me still. Lack of motivation and still sad. If it wasn’t for keeping going for my kids I think I would be in real trouble as they are the only thing that motivates me.

My Dad died in November in a RTA. My Mum 5 years ago of cancer. She was stick for so long which was awful but I think it meant I started grieving before she died and somehow coped more by this stage, not that it was easy. I cried every day for the first 6 months. With my Dad the shock i think has meant I am not where I was at this stage after Mum died. And I get what you mean about thinking about death in the future. I am in my 40s and if I live as long as my parents it feels so little time. Life is way too short.

This statue is called “the weight of grief”…I think it sums up the feeling so well 😔 It hurts so much doesn’t it. Grief is the price we pay for love. If it’s any help I read that by 1 year people feel a lot better, although that probably feels a long way off 😬

I m sorry for your loss, I truly am. I lost my dad at 33, he was 69, it was a huge loss. I2 years later, I've accepted. It takes a lot of time, possibly 2 or 3 years to process it. You are also midlife, perhaps some of the fatigue is due to a changing body too.

Can I suggest : do what brings you serenity and /or joy. Do you enjoy, walking or sea swimming, or dating or flirting or music. Do whatever brings you joy. Those that have gone before you, don't want you to suffer, they want you to be happy.

Sending you my sympathies. Xx

Please don't feel any need to think about time, grief is all consuming and comes in waves. One day you're bearing it, next a tsunami hits and knocks your world flying. Just go with it, don't question it, take it and accept it as it comes. I try to give myself the same advice. It can be 20 years later and that trigger makes you relive it all vividly. When it happens, be kind to yourself, try to limit what you have to do and just let it happen. Sending hugs. Xx

Another member of the club no one wants to be a member of.

I think a big issue for the bereaved is the fact that those not immediately affected (friends, colleagues etc.) don't really understand how grief can go on for quite a while. Therefore we often hide it and go into ourselves, since our grief is of no real concern to them after an initial period, well meaning as they might be.

After a year of utter devastation I reluctantly went to grief counselling. It didn't solve my grief but it gave me an outlet to express it, and it was very therapeutic. Lots of boxes of tissues, no hiding it away, no stiff upper lip, no getting on with it for that hour once a week. Worth every single penny.

Solidarity and sympathy to all affected x.