How soon is too soon to start a New Relationship

[StevieLee]

My partner died very suddenly at the beginning of February. I started drinking heavily..went days without having a shower and never really took my dogs out for walks. Myself and his family grieved together and stayed in touch. I'm now in a new relationship with a wonderful man, who would do absolutely anything for me. He saw and helped me through withdrawing from the alcohol and detox which I needed medication for as I was drinking that much Vodka, I was at risk from having seizures through not having any alcohol. He is now helping me with the rehab side of things, which I'm taking medication to stop the craving of alcohol. The problem I have is, my partner who passed away, his family have found out I'm in a new relationship and have been bad mouthing, calling me all the names under the sun to people saying "Its too soon, he must have never loved him " which really hurts as obviously if he was still alive ...I would still be with him. They have stopped all communication with me,blocked me from all social media that I don't know when or where they will scatter his ashes..I know they were getting a plaque for him which was going to say loving partner but I can imagine that has been taken off. This has started to make me feel guilty about my new relationship even though I'm so happy and in love with my new man. Just asking for people's thoughts and if anyone has been in the same situation how they handled it

I think there is no concrete “too soon”, as in if you felt ready then that’s okay. But equally it has only been not even 6 months and by the sounds of it this started quite awhile ago, potentially only a few months after his death, so I can see where they are coming from in thinking that it is very soon after the death of their family member that you have essentially replaced him, so I can understand why they are upset about that and doubting how things really were.

The relationship sounds worrying - I'm glad you're happy but it started when you were extremely vulnerable and the heavy support for major issues so early on means the power dynamic is very imbalanced. What happens when you're feeling stronger and no longer need the lifeline he's throwing? The family's response is cruel though

I have been through what you have, I lost my partner to cancer. We grieved together before he died. We had discussions about what he wanted for me and my life going forward. By the time he died it was like a chapter was already closed. Of course if he lived, we would still be together but it wasn't to be. I started dating someone 9 months later and got all the abuse in the world from his family.
There's no right time - only when is right for you. The family will always see it as a betrayal. I'm now married to the man I started dating and truly believe he was sent to me by my previous partner. Enjoy your life. He wouldn't want you to live in a world of grief forever

My first thought was not that it's too soon but where did you meet him and what's in it for him. I'd be weary of a man sweeping in, acting the hero.

I've known him for years ...and started chatting on FB ....

When did you become a couple? I remarried fairly soon after my first DH died and am usually very much on the side of finding happiness again, but there are a number of worrying factors here.

Your late DP was a sudden unexpected death only 6 months ago, you drank heavily enough to need rehab and ongoing treatment and you are already "in love" with the new man. I don't think you have had time to begin to process your shock and grief and this may come back to impact you very badly later on. Have you had any counselling?

As far as your late DPs family go, it isn't really surprising that they have reacted this way and I think whatever happens, you need to let them have their feelings and leave them alone.

My dh died in an accident in February.
Whilst I cannot imagine meeting anyone yet it doesn't matter what other people think - I would be so happy for anyone that found another chance of happiness. There is a big difference between friends and family members being critical and others just looking out for you because they care. If you are genuinely happy then that is what is important and no one should begrudge you that happiness. They are not the ones going home to an empty house each evening. I wish you the very best - I am sure your late partner would have wanted you to be happy.

My wife passed away in January. I know they say there is no 'set time', but I can't even contemplate looking for/thinking of anyone else. It's still way too raw.

I do wonder though, that your 'friend' may be taking advantage. You turned to alcohol which left you vulnerable.

I do hope I'm wrong, just be careful.

Take care.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently and it can be hard when others don't understand. That said, the death of a loved one, excessive drinking then detox within 6 months is a huge amount to go through. Be mindful that you don't become overly reliant on your new partner.

It's not his job to rescue you or yours to be rescued.

I think it depends on the circumstances of your partners death and the stability of your mental health, which you have said was/is poor.