feeling conflicted following bereavement

[brambles89]

I'm feeling so very conflicted. To be honest I think I have been battling moderate depression for quite some years now, however I have been quite unhappy for the past three years since moving to an area. We are closer to DH's friends and family but very far from mine. I have also been a reluctant SAHM and although there have been many benefits to this set up, I can't deny that it's left me feeling completely lacking in self esteem and I have been wanting to re-train/set up a business and do something for myself but there's always been a bit of a set back.

Six months ago we finally decided to move closer to my family after years of discussion, my DH really wanted to as well as he loves the pace of life in that part of the world. I also had a job lined up which would mean I could finally start a career in a sector I cared about. We found a house and got the ball rolling in terms of buying etc...

Unfortunately about six weeks before we were due to move my FIL passed away very unexpectedly, which has left us all in a state of shock and grief. I know that we cannot move now and I want to make sure my husband and his family feel supported. We are all very close and we want to be here for each other.

However I feel hopeless about my own future. I miss my family so much and hardly get to see them anymore. I feel lonely here and have no real friends to call on.

My question I suppose is when do you think it would be okay to prioritise my own happiness again and hopefully continue with this plan of moving away? I already feel so selfish thinking about it but thinking it will never happen (and I think some people assume it won't now!) makes me feel so sad and frustrated.

In all honesty do it asap. When we got engaged we decided to live where my husband is from for a few years and then move to where I am from (I had a house built there which just needed finishing) but my husbands father died four months before our wedding leaving his mother on her own, his brother is no contact with her (as am I now, she's a nasty person) and 16 years later we are still stuck here (16 years married tomorrow in fact), my son was 16 when we got married and he moved back to my family years ago so I missed out on a lot of time with him, we have no extended family here, just the mil and it's pure obligation and guilt that keeps my husband here (he's adopted and been raised to believe he should be grateful), we would both prefer to live near my family, my husband thinks the world of my father and adored my late mother but of course the older my mil gets the less chance there is of us moving, we were older than average getting married (37 & 40) and I'm beginning to dread spending my relaxing/retirement years here, I want to be where my extended family and friends are, husband also has good friends there but we are stuck. Get moving before you are stuck too, it happens gradually.

Thanks for your reply @Mudflaps . I'm sorry that you never got to move, it's another kind of heartache. I hope you get there one day.

Slightly different situation as MIL is a gem so it's hard not to feel guilty but I think you're right that it needs to happen fairly soon.

Thanks for the advice