I feel so aggressive

[BalloonSlayer]

I feel bad posting this when I look at some of the things other people are going through.

My Dad died on Friday. I can't seem to keep my temper with my older DCs (they are 7 and 6). I keep losing it about nothing, stupid things.

I seem to be either shouting, apologising and explaining that I am sorry I am like this but I can't help it because Grandad has died, or crying.

I think they are too young to understand how I am feeling, but they are old enough to remember how horrible I am being. I am worried they'll hate me for this - I wouldn't entirely blame them.

If I had a "proper job" I would be able to take compassionate leave. But being a mum I just have to carry on, and I am really struggling.

Has anyone else been like this? Any ideas?

Oh BalloonSlayer - I really feel for you. Is there no-one who can come over and watch the kids for an hour, whilst you have some you time?

I am sure that your dcs will understand - they won't just remember the shouting. Kids forgive brilliantly. You are reacting to your grief in an entirely normal way, and you won't feel like this for long.

In the meantime, can you get out of the house? Anywhere - just a local playground or park will allow the kids to go off and play and you can collapse onto a bench. You might even find a friendly face to talk to, too. The kids will behave better out of doors and you will feel less trapped too.

Thinking of you and hoping that others come along with good advice soon

Hello Balloonslayer. I think it's very normal to feel angry/aggressive when somebody close to you dies. My mum died last November and I still feel very angry sometimes. Was it a sudden death? I think it can be such a shock that you just feel bewildered and helpless and that can come out as anger.

Don't be hard on yourself - like you said, you have to carry on with the job of being a mum and it's very hard when you are still in shock from a very recent death.

There are a lot of emotions you go through after a bereavement. Don't feel guilty - you are allowed to have these feelings. You need to have them, to process what has happened. Just take one day at a time at the moment and go easy on yourself. Do you have any support around to help you at this time?

And please don't feel guilty about posting. Losing a parent is very difficult and bloody awful at times.

I lost my mum 3 years ago so fully understand how you are feeling, I didn't have dd then so just vented it on my husband....

I found going to the gym, running or kickboxing worked for me. Just to really get that physical anger expressed and out.

If you don't have time for that then just go into the garden when you feel yourself getting wound up and really scream....sounds barking mad but it really helps releive stress.

Good luck and thoughts are with you.

Aww thank you everyone.

No it wasn't particularly sudden, but it was an intense short illness, the outcome of which we knew for quite a while. He lived a long drive away which was difficult for me visiting him in the hospital with the baby and racing back trying to get home in time for the school pick up, so I have been stressed and shouty for a while.

Hopefully after the funeral things will settle down and I will manage to be a slightly better Mum.

It's ironic though that I worked so hard to make sure the children were ok about him dying, that they wouldn't be upset and would accept it calmly, and now I feel sort of offended that they're not all that upset. Ho hum!

BalloonSlayer, well done on preparing the children for his death. It is hard to explain to children, but be honest, and you are doing well to say sorry to them when you have shouted at them. I know the feelings of guilt when you do lose it with them, sorry can't help with more suggestions for your childrens age group, mine are only 3y11m and 21m.

Hang in there