I don't know how to feel right now

[poormanspombears]

I don't know whether to be angry, basque in the knowledge that I knew the bastard was up to something or just cry.

I have posted a couple of times about various issues I've had to deal with since my husband died.

I've just received his bank statements in a bid to contact all the relevant people to notify them and his secrets are all there.

Gambling, only fans and possible porn purchases.

I'm so embarrassed, angry, upset and I don't even know what. I collared him a few times as something was off for a long time but, and I know this is cliche, I had no idea.

I feel so deceived. I feel like I lived a lie. I was carrying the financial burden for so long. Sleepless nights, borrowing money, our kids going without and he was doing this.

It wasn't a lot, although I can only see a year so that might be completely wrong, but I feel like I've been taken advantage of.

How the hell do I get over the anger for a dead person?

They're dead, you're alive. Your revenge is done. Now try to move on and be practical. It's horrible time but make sure children don't get involved in the bad stuff, they don't need to carry bad feelings, it won't help them

Wow. That’s a lot. So many emotions.

You may well already on this but I’d recommend finding a really decent therapist. Find one you can build a great rapport with. And don’t try and do it all at once - do nice things for yourself too. That’s part of recovering too.

Wishing you best of luck and brighter things ahead.