Should I prepare my son

[Barginhuntermamma]

Hi, not really sure what I should do. My sons best friend has been fighting cancer for 6 years, for the last year the family have been making memories as there is nothing else the doctors can do. My son knows his friend has cancer, but he doesn't know that he is terminal. They were both so happy when his treatment stopped as it ment they could spend more time together and go swimming! For the past week his friend as gone down hill rapidly and the cancer has spread to his bones. The doctors do not know how long he has left, but they don't think he will make it to start secondary school in September.
So I was wondering if I should prepare him for this?

I can only give a personal opinion. Not a hcp.

I would say yes, bereavement is hard. Any preparation is better than the sudden knowledge that things have been left unsaid or he discovers that everyone else knew about it, didn’t tell him/prepare him and then that leads to further issues regarding trust later down the line. A little preparation now, could potentially stop a lifetime of issues later on.
There are various bereavement services/counselling set up for children. (Sorry no linky) but they may well
be best placed to advise in these sad times.

I agree with this. My DS died suddenly and unexpectedly. The shock made the grief much, much worse for all of us. Some preparation and putting support in place has to be the best course of action. I am so sorry for your son and his friend and friend's family. What a very sad situation.

I think the key question is whether his friend knows that he is dying? I agree it is best for your son to be prepared but I guess you can't risk him giving it away to his friend if friend's parents aren't going to tell him?

A very valid point.

Sorry for you and your family's loss.

What does the child who is dying know and want? The child may not want their friend to know because then they will treat them differently.

It is going to floor him either way I was 11 when my best friend died. I look back now and I am happy I didn't know because we were still arguing over who would marry which Goss brother up to the end.

I am so sorry for your family and friends.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I think the key question is whether his friend knows that he is dying? I agree it is best for your son to be prepared but I guess you can't risk him giving it away to his friend if friend's parents aren't going to tell him?

I agree with this. Some parents don't tell the child that the end is near as they don't want to scare them.
Are you close to the parents? Can you speak to them?

Awfully sad situation all round.

I'd try to speak to the poor parents if you can... Is your son still able to visit his friend? If he can I think it would help both boys. Even if the parents haven't told their son his diagnosis he might be aware but not able to tell them he knows. If they still spend time together you DS will see the deterioration and it will be less of a shock... This would be far better than seeing relatively healthy friend and then being told that he'd died. My dad never accepted that his cancer would beat him but we all knew, even my 7yo wasn't surprised when I told her as they knew he was poorly and saw the changes. Dd was still very upset but not as traumatised as if she'd been kept away. The time together helped both of them... Whatever everyone decides try to sort someone for him go talk too at an appropriate time. Xx