My mum died 10 years ago. We were close and I grieved alot at the time.For some reason I am reliving her last few days this summer and wishing I had done things differently. She was in end stage heart failure but was still alert and able to get up every day. She lived with my brother who was single and worked.I live two hours away. I would have spent alot of weekends with her. She had carers three sometimes four times a day depending on my brother’s work schedule. I decided to go on holiday the week before she died. We had cancelled a holiday earlier in the year as she had been in hospital, but decided to go this time as my partner and three kids wanted to go and had been looking forward to the break. I was only 4 days home when she was hospitalized and died suddenly. Heart attack. I had visited her in hospital the day before and she chatted normally but said she couldn’t eat her dinner as she wasnt hungry and was feeling nauseous. She died suddenly the following morning.
10 years on I feel still feel guilty about going on that holiday and not spending the last week with her. I had counselling after she died but the ten year anniversary has triggered me.