Need and to talk after 2nd mmc

[Clairedaz]

Last year in May 07 came offthe pill after 4 years after me & dh decided that the time was right for us to try for a baby. In Aug 07 a week before we were due to go on holiday found out I was pg - we were both over the moon.
My first pg 14 years ago was okay so thought this would be the same.

Had bleeding(brown)at 8 wks, went into erpc where had an internal only - all seemed okay. Went infor dating scan in Oct 07 to be told that I had a mmc (never heard of this before), was told had to wait 2 weeks before d&c. Nothing happended so had d&c (absolutle nite mare, ended up having my utereus slightly perforated). Anyway in Feb 08 found out pg again was nervous because of last time. At 8 wks again had brown discahrge (only when wiping), this time had scan and was told there was a heartbeat.
Had dating scan lat Friday and was told that my baby had died at 6 wks - so basically the previous scan that was done was crap.

Had another d&c Tuesday which went ok.

Sorry to go on but my emotions are all over the place at the moment and am fed up of people saying "it was for the best" or "it wasnt a baby", "got to move on". Something has been taking from me twice and no one will give you answers until after the 3rd mc.

Need to write this down as feel like I ma about to crack up.....

You are fully entitled to mourn and to be disappointed. In your place I would certainly want to know why this was happening. Not that there will necessarily be a reason, but there might be and then something could be done about it. Sounds like your m/cs were horrible experiences for you.

I am literally posting and running but didnt want this to drop off. I feel for you I really do. I too had 2 mc, the 2nd one requiring a d&c and they were both extremely traumatic. I realyl didnt appreciate just how devastating they are until I had experienced it, so please dont feel you are not entitled to grieve.

To those who have said that it wasnt a baby etc, I am surprised that people can be so unsupportive, or maybe they think that helps. Of course you have lost something, from the moment you know you are pregnant it is a baby to you, so you are greiving. Al your hopes and plans for the future are also taken away.

Please also bear in ind your hormones are all over the place, and of course all you want to know is why.

If its any help I went on to have a perfectly normal pregnancy and a healthy son, so it can be done.

Take time to heal and get support from here if you need it, dont be afraid to see your gp if you feel you need to either. I did and they were incredibly supportive.

Sorry this post is very rushed, hope it all make sense, Im very for you.

Big hugs to ya! I know exactly how you feel, people say such stupid things..and my dp has said exactly that to me..it wasnt really a baby was it..hes no idea.
This is my 4th now and ive no answers..lost a fallopian tube to an infection, had d&c 2days ago and still in agony!
Had all sorts of tests, still no idea..and of course theres the idiots that say but you have 4 children, you are lucky, and i dont knoiw why your so upset. I feel like slapping them...im so lucky to have mc 4times arent i!
Bless you! you are not alone, feel free to shout and scream at me if you wish..i'm a good listener!
I just felt numb, how has your dh taken it, is he supportive and do you have friends you can rely on...mine are trying but they just dont get it unless theyve been there.

If my dh was not the type of person he is - I would be at breaking point, it may sounf weird we are a really close couple but this has brought even closer than we thought we could get.

What did pull the heart strings is when dh accidently snapped at my son and he retaliated saying that i have also lost a brother or sister - all friends again now - dh was sorry son understands..

A couple have had mc but not mmc so they understand but not the point of having to go into hospital.

What's worse is that you have to walk through the antenatal section of the hospital to get to the EPU and same day admissions.

Im glad you have good support and i am very sorry this has happened to you! Stay strong..we have to..and the best wishes to you and your family! And i do hope that you get some answers soon.

Hi, i'm so sorry for your loss. I too had a mmc at the beginning of last year. I had a feeling something was not quite right so i phoned midwife but she told me to wait a week and book in for scan at doctors if i was still worried. Well i went and the doctor said there was a problem, he was really rude about it and told me to wait a week to have my 12 week scan at hospital. I was so angry but he prob was not in position to tell me whether baby had def died or not. Next day i rang the hospital and got booked in for early scan. What pissed me off was you had to sit in a waiting room with other mums who were excited about their scans because everything was alright for them. I'll never forget the look of pity they gave us when we walked out of that room after the scan as we had tears rolling down our faces. I was booked in for dc in 3 days time, but the night we had it confirmed that my baby had died i actually started to miscarry. Unfortunately i bled for 3 days but did not fully miscarry so had to have the dc. Until you have it, you cannot understand what its like to have the thought of your baby being scraped from you. I remember lying on the bed outside the operating theatre crying and begging them not to take it out of me. Afterwards you get upset cos you don't know what's happened to your baby-noone tells you.
I now have a beautiful baby boy who is 3 months old. But it really does PISS me off big time that women are not told how often mmc's happen.
I completely understand how you can be annoyed with people who say, its for the best. I know noone knows what to say and they think it helps-it really doesn't. It just annoyed the hell out of me, i didn't know what to say to people so just agreed with them in the end.
Be strong and try and stay positive! XX