To take 2 month old to a funeral?

[BBeep]

My uncle, my mum's brother, recently passed away suddenly. I wasn't close to him; last we saw of him was at our wedding 8 years ago. That was the first and only time my husband met him. But, both myself and my husband will be going to the funeral to support my mum.

My daughter will be at school, so no problem, but my son will be 11 weeks old. I don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone for 5+ hours, which is what we've worked it out to be, best case (travel times etc). He's combi fed so if I left him, I would need to express before and during. I'm thinking I'll just bring him. He's a calm, chill baby most of the time and if he does kick off during the ceremony, my husband will take him out. My mum is fine with this.

Are there any rules, actual or unspoken, on babies at funerals? Is it considered disrespectful, will we get glares from elderly neighbours or something? I don't want to be weird. My initial thought was that we'd have to leave him at the in-laws but when I thought about it, I wasn't sure why. He's too young to be bothered by the nature of the ceremony.

What do you think?

Take him.
its not disrespectful. He’s a wee baby and needs to be with you. Take him out if he cries.

to be honest I think a bit of “ circle of life / the deceased legacy in terms of the family they leave behind is a significant thing that really helps celebrate a life well lived at an old persons funeral.

There are no rules for funerals, it's whatever the family want.

I agree with @Helenloveslee4eva take him. I definitely appreciate the 'circle of life' at funerals, I'm happy to have other babies/toddlers chatting a bit too.

Your DH will take him out if he wails. Your Mum is happy & unless it would really upset your Aunt or a partner or his children everyone else can FO. I'd not be having some sneery neighbour influence my decision

Took 6 month old DD to her great grandma’s funeral.

At 3 she went to her next great grandma’s funeral.

Another at 7 and the last one at 11.

Funerals are a really important part of grieving and not something that children* should be excepted from.

*unless there are specific circs.

It will be fine. It’s really toddlers and under 10s that people frown on, as toddlers are disruptive at a time for peace and quiet reflection and under 10s tend to get upset and traumatised by the event.
a baby will be fine.

I took a 7 week old to a funeral, I wouldn’t have gone otherwise and that wasn’t an option. I just made sure to sit so I could leave the room if needed. I’m sorry for your loss.

I took a young baby to a funeral and it was fine. I sat on the end of the row and when she started to get restless I took her out and stood at the back. One of the undertakers kindly shared his hymn book with me.At the wake afterwards several people made a fuss of her and I think it was a circle of life moment.
What you and your close family feel is best is far more important than the opinions of neighbours.

Depends on the funeral. The one where DD was 3 was a real “celebration of life” affair and the multiple great grandchildren playing together was a big part of that.

I took my 4 month old to a family funeral. He was breast fed and the second he started grumbling I stuck him on the boob and quietly fed him so he didn't cause a disturbance. A lot of people said how lovely it was to have a baby at the wake. I think he cheered a few people up.

We took our nearly 5 month old to FIL funeral last year and it was fine. We started with DH holding her and then when she started to get grizzly, he passed her to me. That pacified her for long enough to get through the service. Then after the service is done, its a more relaxed atmosphere and a little noise is less of an issue. IME having a baby at a sad event like that can help to lift people's spirits. Sorry for your loss xx

Babies are fine. If he starts fussing your DH can take him out

I think it is lovely to have babies and children at funerals, both for the babies and children themselves, and the rest of the family to see life going on. Even though your baby is obviously too young to remember, if your mother ever mentions her brother to him when he is growing up, she will be able to tell him he was present at the funeral

I personally wouldn't take a baby to a funeral of someone I wasn't close to.

I'd go to the funeral to support my mum and dh would take baby a walk while service was happening and then meet up after the service.

I took DD to my grandmothers funeral when she was about 6mths old. During one of the hymns she was fussing so I went outside, the priest came out and said funerals and churches were for everyone and I should go back in if I wanted to.

After, at the house, my grandmothers friends and neighbours were delighted with DDs presence. Many referenced the circle of life.

My ds (7m) was an Angel at my dad’s funeral mass but was cranky by the time we got to the crem. I was very, very grateful to my uncle for taking him outside so I could stay.

so long as your dh (who didn’t really know your uncle) is prepared to do this, I think it’s fine to take ds.

We took my daughter to a friend's mom's funeral when she was 8 weeks as our childcare fell through. Popped her in the sling and she fell asleep but we had sat at the back on the end in case she got restless and no one knew she was there until the wake when they could actually see her. People don't care as long as they're not disruptive

Thanks all, we've decided to take him, my mum's siblings agree it's fine and no one else really matters. Thanks!

I think it's fine too, but if uncle had a wife or kids, I'd let them know what you're planning.

It's absolutely fine to take him. The only 'rule' would be to take him outside if he interrupts the service. Perhaps sit near the back just to make it easier.

Hmm. I kind of thing it depends on the wishes of the close relatives but then you ARE a pretty close relative. And you said your DM/the family are fine with it, so definitely do.

I took DC1 at 3 months to a funeral, it was for the mother of a family friend. I didn't even know the deceased but it was as a show of support for her daughter, and to accompany my DM, who is a lifelong close friend of my DM's and thereby a bit of an auntie type figure for me. The family were all more than happy for me to attend with the baby. We just went to the Church service as DC woke up mid-way through and was restless by the end. I sat right at the back of the church next to the door and would have taken her out if she'd made any significant noise. The vicar made a point of welcoming me and baby before the service started which was kind.

Otoh, DH's DGF sadly passed away (not unexpectedly) when DC1 was only about 2 weeks old. His DGM was adamant that she didn't want DC1 at the funeral. DH and I were quite disappointed tbh because a) I really did love his DGF and I was upset that I couldn't go but I was breastfeeding and in any event nobody would have offered to babysit regardless, and b) DH was NC with his father and step mother, so was very anxious about the funeral and would have benefited from my support. But obviously we respected his DGM's wishes.

I took 2 week old DS to the funeral of an elderly family member. He slept in the sling the whole time, my husband had him so could take him out if necessary (my side of family). No one minded and as someone says above, the idea of the circle of life is, if not comforting, very poignant at that time.