never got over friends death

[PithyLion]

having a get together today, 2 old friends from school coming over. Thing is there used to be 3. We went through primary school and secondary school as a tight little knot of 4. The 4th friend died in a car crash when we were at uni.

We are all retired now, and have still remained friends, through child rearing, marriages, divorces, becoming grandparents, careers up and downs.

But I still miss number 4. The other two moved on better than I did. We talk about her, but I think I am the only one that still feels grief and is conscious of the hole in our group.

The other two talk of her with some fondness, but I still cry - they don't, we have spoken about this. I think they are both hyper aware of road safety - we all have always been. But I wish I could find a way to let go the way they have.

Have you thought about speaking to someone about the grief you're still carrying? I don't think it's unusual to still think about her, and feel a bit sad from time to time but what you're describing sound quite intense still.

PithyLion I know just what you are saying my best friend whilst doing my midwifery training died the day before finals. Like you I am getting on a ? bit but I still miss her so much, she was so lovely. All we can do is to keep going and smile for them.