No closure from funeral

[Openbook75]

My dad passed away a few months ago, and i feel like I'm in a state of limbo. Ive not grieved at all i dont think, i thought i would have some closure from the funeral, but i had little to non at all.
This is where i sound terrible..
My mum bless her, and I do love her and understand why she did it, talked non stopped, in the limousine to the service, all through the service, throught the reflection songs, and sometimes not about my dad. I feel so confused and robbed that i couldn't say a last farewell. Is there anyway i can move on from this, i feel like this awful awful person, but i do love my mum dearly.

I’m sorry for your loss. Maybe talking through these feelings will help
https://www.cruse.org.uk/

This is not uncommon, but do be aware it may hit you at a later time.

Do you think it would help to go somewhere you went together, a place he loved, or just somewhere peaceful and remember him?

With regard to your Mum, all the feelings are still raw. It does sound like she was dealing with it in her own way but insensitive to your feelings. She's lucky to have you there for her & these feelings are likely to fade with time.

I'm sorry for you loss, funerals are part of the process. You don’t sound terrible. Could you go back to the place of the service or somewhere special to your dad on your own and write something about him that you read or have the lyrics of the songs with you.

Everyone grieves differently. Some weep and wail, others quietly get on with life, and will have ‘moments’ when they hear a particular song etc.

Can you do something to mark his memory in your own way?

I am so sorry for your loss OP. Grief does not suddenly go away after a funeral. We just learn to live with it. There might never be “closure” but maybe a coming to terms such that we can carry on without our Dad being around.

If it was a burial, go to his grave and talk to him. Go on your own. Take flowers, stay awhile.

If it was cremation, and his ashes are to be scattered of interred, you’ll be able to go there, on your own, sit quiet, and just be with him. For example, the grounds of crematorium are usually lovely. They’re consoling places to walk around, smell the flowers, and remember a loved one.

That is all part of grieving. It does get better. Many of us have been there. It’s early days for you yet.

You don't sound terrible at all, obviously you needed something from the funeral that you did not get, but rightly you were supporting your mum.

Can you try to revisit, and get some of the catharsis you needed from the funeral. As has been suggested, maybe by visiting special places. Or perhaps it would be worth trying to relive the funeral a bit, set aside a time to read the readings, listen to the music etc. I think this could be really comforting.

I'm very sorry, maybe arrange some counselling. But I'm not sure you are searching for the right thing here, what is this 'closure' that you refer to? Pain and healing is a journey, different stages, recovering, but never quite getting over it, just learning to live with it.